DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
15 October 2022
I did notice, however, that none of the memories showed Elsenaia when she was a kid. At first, I assumed that was because magic training started at an older age, but then I caught a glimpse of a child Elsenaia smiling happily at her tutor, and I began to wonder.
Before I could investigate more closely, however, those same mirror walls came down around the memory and pulled it back into the depths of her mind.
While I was thinking about Elsenaia and what she might be looking for specifically, I realized rather than random searching, she’d probably prioritize the POV character’s opinion of elves, and what information he had about them. So I’ve edited one portion, then continued on.
Editing a portion of 10 October 2022:
…undercut the dignity she tried to project, but my recent memories of our encounter with her and her people surfaced soon enough. She picked apart my impressions of each of them; in particular, she seemed pleased, but bashful, when she saw I initially thought of her as “beautiful”, though that quickly turned to indignation once I’d written her off as a spoiled brat.
From there, she began to look at my opinion of elves in general, and she pulled up everything from “The Lord of the Rings” movies to D&D. That left me free to turn my attention back to the dioramas, and I found…
Continuing the main storyline:
…”So what do you know of that could cause this?”
She just shook her head. I sighed and said, “Well, feel free to keep poking around my head until you’re satisfied.”
Still unsatisfied, she turned back to her search. She seemed quite preoccupied, so I was able to slip out of the mirror room back into the hall. It seems the mirrors had come down to seal off that one painting and whatever memories it brought up.
The idea that I wasn’t supposed to be here kept nagging at me, so I started looking for memories about magic. Who knows? Maybe I could learn some magic of my own from watching her. I doubted it, but that would be cool.
I popped into a few of her practice sessions, but nothing specific, especially not about mind-reading or memory manipulation. I did notice, however, that none of the memories showed Elsenaia when she was a kid. At first, I assumed that was because magic training started at an older age, but then I caught a glimpse of a child Elsenaia smiling happily at her tutor, and I began to wonder.
Before I could investigate more closely, however, those same mirror walls came down around the memory and pulled it back into the depths of her mind.
I peeked back in my head, but Elsenaia didn’t have any particular reaction; I couldn’t be sure if she’d just accepted my presence, or if repressing those memories came so naturally to her she no longer even noticed.
As I continued my search, I found a pair of old wooden doors that led into a grand library. I stood in the doorway for several seconds, just gawking. “Well, color me impressed.”
A chill wind blew down the hallway, and Elsenaia appeared behind me. “What are you doing?”
I shrugged. “Looking for information on magic. I wanted to see if there was anything in your head about why I’m here, and not over there.”
For a long time, Elsenaia just stared at me. “Fine.”
10 October 2022
I turned my attention back to the dioramas, and found one that seemed to represent her argument with the guard earlier. While both were jointed like artists’s mannequins, it was curious that only the guard had a proper face, while Elsenaia’s did not. Instead, she wore an elaborate silver diadem I hadn’t seen in real life. On top of that, she was held in place by puppet strings leading to the ceiling, although the guard had none.
After what I learned about Elsenaia and her past in the previous posts, it didn't make sense for some memories and ideas to be as accessible as they were, at least to me. I started trying to figure out what her life meant for the way her mental palace appeared and functioned, and rewrote the first introduction to the mental world here.
It's kind of fun, trying to put physical descriptions to such abstract ideas.
When I opened my eyes, to my surprise I was in a long, palatial hallway, perhaps thirty feet wide and fifteen feet tall, with innumerable mirrors spaced out along its walls. Here and there between them hung both gorgeous wall-to-ceiling paintings and life sized dioramas made with marionettes.
Meanwhile, I could sense Elsenaia trying to sift through my brain. She felt lost, and her frustration emanated out of the mirrors around me. Before I poked around the hallway, I asked, “Need help finding anything?”
“That will not be necessary.” The embarrassment I felt from the mirrors undercut the dignity she tried to project, but since I started remembering things, from old friends to travel locations, I figured she was getting the hang of it.
I turned my attention back to the dioramas, and found one that seemed to represent her argument with the guard earlier. While both were jointed like artists’s mannequins, it was curious that only the guard had a proper face, while Elsenaia’s did not. Instead, she wore an elaborate silver diadem I hadn’t seen in real life. On top of that, she was held in place by puppet strings leading to the ceiling, although the guard had none.
Out of curiosity, I touched the figure of the guard, and voices echoed around me. Somehow, I was able to understand everything perfectly, despite the fact the conversation was in Elvish. Direct brain-to-brain communication?
“You cannot mean to bond with this human?” the angry guard, labeled “Darrett”, demanded.
Waves of indignation pulsed out from the princess mannequin, indignation that hadn’t been visible in real life. I heard Elsenaia’s voice, where she sighed and replied, “Of course not. This is an interrogation not–”
“Huh,” I said to myself, and walked away. Some of the dioramas featured Tairsi or Darrett; others placed her on a throne before some ordinary citizens; and others what I assumed to be her family. In addition to her father and mother, she had one older brother and a pair of older twin sisters.
A painting on the wall gave a better depiction of them, at least at first. When I found it, it seemed for all the world like a normal royal family portrait. And yet, as I moved and the angle changed, the painting shifted. The king’s eyes grew darker, and his crown taller. The queen’s mouth disappeared, and she had a collar around her neck with a chain leading to the king’s hands. Elsenaia herself was once again faceless, while her brother now had an almost bestial snarl warping his face. One hand was held behind his back with the tip of a knife barely visible. Only her sisters looked relatively unchanged.
Intrigued, I walked down to the next portrait, which was much more straightforward. Tairsi, as a knight, kneeled before the faceless princess in all her glory on a throne. At Tairsi’s back, though, hidden in shadows, a young elven girl I guessed to be a younger Elsenaia reached out for her.
I stepped closer. Below the painting, a nameplate read “Loyal Knight”. I traced my finger along it, and a voice of a young girl came out of the painting. “I guess princesses aren’t allowed to have friends.”
As soon as the voice finished, though, mirrored walls slammed down around me like prison walls. I felt Elsenaia’s fear spike, and her voice boomed through the room I was now in. “Wha… You’re not… How are you in my head!?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. You’re the one who did the magicy bits. I didn’t even think magic was real an hour ago.”
I could sense Elsenaia’s disbelief change into shock as my memories verified what I said. I asked, “So, what do you know of that could cause this?”
She just shook her head. She seemed to be at a total loss, so I decided to poke around to find out if there was anything about the spell that might help.
30 September 2022
Elsenia grabbed one of my arms. “Wait! Please!”
I turned to look at her. “That’s you, crying on the other side, isn’t it?”
She didn’t answer, but her eyes still pleaded with me to stop. I put one hand on her head and said softly, “If I stop now, who is ever going to let you free?”
This is probably where I started taking Elsenaia's story more seriously. All that backstory made me recognize her as a character more, or something? Anyway, still plenty comedic, but there's a lot more serious moments.
I also wanted to hurry up and get past the “reading each other's minds" bit, so I probably rushed to the end scene there. Also, I am not a therapist, and there are probably a thousand reasons why this is the wrong way to approach handling someone's trauma were you to wind up literally inside their head. But it was fun to write. And I'm looking forward to writing what I mean by “stop being a princess"!
After I heard Elsenaia’s scream, I appeared back in my own head to find her fleeing a large man in sleek black armor. He didn’t wear a helmet, but his face had a ghostly cast to it, and from the right angle it looked like nothing more than a skull.
“What is this thing!?” Elsenaia cried as she headed for me.
“Death. Or, a personification of it, anyway. For a story I’m writing.”
Elsenaia skidded past me, then turned around in shock. “Death!?”
I ignored her for a second and stepped up to Death. He raised his scythe, but I just flicked him in the forehead. “Oi. Knock it off. We have a guest.”
When he looked like he was going to be stubborn, I folded my arms and glared at him. “Do you want me to call Life over, instead?”
He flinched and sulked away. Elsenaia’s jaw gaped open as she watched him go.
I turned to her and asked, “You alright?”
“I… you… How…?”
I wasn’t 100% sure what she was asking, but I said, “Well, they’re in my head, aren’t they? So I can exert a bit of control over them, especially as characters I created.”
“Death isn’t even a person! It’s just a thing that happens! How can it be walking around in your head!?”
Is that what the issue is? “I said it already, didn’t I? That’s a personification of death.”
She still looked confused, so I said, “Okay, it’s like… Take some sort of abstract concept. Maybe an emotion of some kind. Can you think of a person, or an object, or anything, that represents that concept?”
Elsenaia nodded slowly. “Like a really happy person to represent happiness?”
“Exactly. Personification is like that. You take something that isn’t human–” I pause, then reconsider my words. “Rather, something that isn’t a person, and give it person-like traits. You can even take the concept and imagine what it would be like as a person.” I look at her askance. “Do elves really not have a concept like that?”
Elsenaia started to shake her head, then paused. “I… I actually don’t know.”
Eh? “You don’t know?”
“I… didn’t have much chance to choose my own reading material.”
Okay, that is straight up weird. I went back to Elsenaia’s head and started prodding a little more forcefully. I heard her ask, “Wait, what are you–”, but I kept pushing forward.
I found myself in front of a thick stone wall, sealing… something off. I could hear the faint sounds of someone crying on the other side.
I hit the wall once, just to see if it would react, and then looked around for something I could use to force my way in. “Oh, wait. This is all in our heads, right?” I concentrate for a second, and manage to materialize the Giant Crusher Hammer from Elden Ring.
“Oof, that’s heavy.” Fortunately, I was able to lift it still. I swung once, and the impact shook the whole building.
Elsenaia materialized and grabbed one of my arms. “Wait! Please!”
I turned to look at her. “That’s you, crying on the other side, isn’t it?”
She didn’t answer, but her eyes still pleaded with me to stop. I put one hand on her head and said softly, “If I stop now, who is ever going to let you free?”
Her eyes went wide, but after a second or two, she let go of my arm and took a few steps back. I nod to her once, and then hoist the hammer again. I called out to the other side, “Watch out, I’m coming in!”
The crying paused, and I swung the hammer two, three times. A small hole formed in the wall, and I could see a small elven girl on the other side. “Wait just a bit; we’ll have you out soon.”
I kept at it with the hammer, and soon the rest of the wall had collapsed. The little girl rushed out and hugged me. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s alright. You’re free now.”
A flood of Elsenaia’s memories washed over me, as everything she’d been keeping repressed or locked away burst out at once. I saw the day Tairsi’s family had been sent away, and how she’d told Elsenaia, “I guess princesses aren’t supposed to have friends.”
I saw the cold looks her father often gave her, and the countless hours of studying. I saw the harsh training Darrett, the angry guard, put her through. I saw her joy as she discovered magic, and the jealous looks from her brother at how quickly she picked it up. Countless other memories surfaced, all panting the sheer loneliness Elsenaia lived with day to day.
I hugged the little Elsie close and whispered, “I’ll be your friend.”
The little girl pulled away and said, “But princesses aren’t allowed to have friends.”
“Then it’s simple.” I turned and grinned at the real Elsenaia behind me. “Just stop being a princess.”
24 September 2022
Another time, I was poking around to see if Elsenaia had anything she actively enjoyed doing, rather than felt obligated to do, when I heard her scream from my mind.
I popped over, only to find Elsenaia running desperately from a hulking skeletal figure wearing ominous black armor and wielding a scythe.
“Why do you have Death wandering around your head!?” Elsenaia screamed, and she headed straight for me.
This was fun. I loosely based the MC of the Elsenaia story off of my own head, since that’s what I have access to, and I have a lot of weird and/or terrifying characters running around in there. So what would happen if she ran into one?
I come back to this idea and revise it later; I think the idea that she was utterly cut off from fiction to be unlikely, so later I took time to map out more of what her life looked like and what she’d been through.
The rest of my journey through the palace hallway was an interesting experience. I could feel Elsenaia pouting at me; she was trying so hard to be angry and indignant, but it was all undercut by the embarrassment I could feel all around me.
I was not surprised by her fondness for cute things, not that the weekly day where the public could petition her for things was tedious as all get-out. What surprised me was the way she entertained herself during those days; she’d try to imagine whatever conflicts were brought before had happened in ridiculous situations, like underwater, or by taking the point of the conflict to its extremes. This did, unfortunately, backfire on her, as thinking outside the box meant she came up with solutions that weren’t always immediately obvious, and people began flocking to her court over the others.
Meanwhile, she poked around in my head, trying to ignore all the memories I was sifting through. She spent a great deal of time looking at D&D things; the idea of playing out another character’s life, especially with other people, fascinating, even if she did spend a long time ranting about the elf stat blocks.
Another time, I was poking around to see if Elsenaia had anything she actively enjoyed doing, rather than felt obligated to do, when I heard her scream from my mind.
I popped over, only to find Elsenaia running desperately from a hulking skeletal figure wearing ominous black armor and wielding a scythe.
“Why do you have Death wandering around your head!?” Elsenaia screamed, and she headed straight for me.
I sighed, and with a small smile I walked past her to the reaper. He raised his scythe to swing, but I just reached up and flicked him in the forehead. “Oi. Knock it off. You’re scaring her.”
When the reaper started looking obstinate, I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather I called Life over?”
The reaper flinched and sulked off. I turned and flashed Elsenaia a smile.
She just stared at the reaper, jaw gaping. When she finally looked over at me, she asked weakly, “Life?”
“His wife. Or maybe his wife-to-be? His crush? I dunno; depends on what part of the story he’s from. Time’s weird in here.”
“You have an aspect of Life in your head.”
I shrugged. “Well, sure. Why not? They’re not real; they’re just characters I made up for a story I’m writing.”
Eslenaia’s legs gave out from under her, and she plopped to the ground.
“Hey, wait, are you okay?” I crouched down and reached out to her.
“Yeah. Yeah, I just… need a minute.”
I shift so I’m sitting down properly, and we stay like that for several minutes. Finally, she spoke. “They’re… characters in a story, you said?”
“Yep. Or, well, a group of stories, I suppose. You know I want to write, right?”
Elsenaia nodded. “But I’m not sure I understand what that means.”
“Well, look.” I opened my mind to scenes of my wtiting, and to the “How Writers Become Authors” blog. “Basically, I want to tell stories for a living. Isn’t there anyone in your culture that does that?”
Elsenaia moved to shake her head, then stopped herself. “I’m… not sure. I never had time for things like that.”
I blinked, and materialized a movie drawer so I could start sifting through my memories.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“You need a chance to relax. Time’s meaningless here, right? I figured I could show you a movie or something before you go.” I growled at the drawer of DVDs. “If there’s even any I can remember the whole way through, that is.”
Elsenaia’s eyes were drawn to one; the Hobbit collection of movies. An image of Tauriel flashed across like a mini preview. “What’s that one?”
“Oh, that’s the Hobbit, based on the book by J.R.R. Tolkein.” I noticed her expression and asked, “I don’t remember it very well, but do you want to watch it?”
She nodded, and I began letting it play. When she first saw Fili and Kili, she complained, “Those aren’t dwarves.”
“Agreed. They’re definitely men.”
“They don’t even look like dwarves.”
“Hm. But at least Fili has a cool beard.” I glance over at her. “Have you met many dwarves?”
“Only a couple.”
Sensing a bit of awkwardness, I peeked into her memories to find one of a dwarf catching sight of her for the first time, only to immediately propose as dramatically as possible. The rest of his fellows came and dragged him off while the leader of the group apologized profusely, and explained that this was “the young lad’s first time abroad, so he hasn’t gotten used to the sights yet”. The whole thing had made Elsenaia feel very awkward.
I laughed, but rather than the indignant reaction I’d expected, Elsenaia just told me to hush.
When I glanced at the screen, it was the parts about Tauriel’s romance with Kili. Elsenaia was completely enraptured by it. At one point she asked, “Do you think I could ever have that?”
I shrug. “Why not? I mean, I don’t know how anyone else will react, but I think the choice should still be yours.”
17 September 2022
When I opened my eyes, or whatever I used to see in this astral projection, I stood in a hallway with a red velvet rug running down its length. Scattered down the hall on both sides were doors of every possible shape, size, and material, interspersed with countless small tables. Some had random items, like dolls, books, or even a pair of old boots, whole others projected a 3d image from the surface. The one in front of me had an image of the guard she’d been arguing with before.
This is where I started figuring out the beginnings of who Elsenaia really is as a character. It still took me quite a while after this to figure out, and I didn’t quite have a good image of her mental landscape, but it’s where it started. It’s also a lot more focused on the romcom side of the story than some of my more recent shorts set with her.
You’ll see later, but most of this has been rewritten at least once. It’s liable to happen again; it’s just a fun concept to play with.
When I opened my eyes, or whatever I used to see in this astral projection, I stood in a hallway with a red velvet rug running down its length. Scattered down the hall on both sides were doors of every possible shape, size, and material, interspersed with countless small tables. Some had random items, like dolls, books, or even a pair of old boots, whole others projected a 3d image from the surface. The one in front of me had an image of the guard she’d been arguing with before.
I reached out to touch it, and the image sprang to life. “...mean to bond with this… human trash!?” The words were clearly not English, but somehow my brain could interpret what was being said perfectly, as if I’d known Elvish all my life.
Around me, I could feel as the palace itself grew indignant, and the princess’ voice replied, “Of course not! This is merely an interrogation, and it will not be–”
The hallway warped at that moment, and Elsenaia’s voice entered my head directly. “Wha… How did you… You’re not supposed to be here!”
I looked around and stepped back from the image of the guard. “Oh? Why not?”
“Because I’m supposed to be searching your mind, not the other way around!”
I cock my head for a moment. “Aren’t you, though?” Indeed, when I focused on it, I could feel Elsenaia where she’d looked through some of my more recent memories.
“Yes, but–”
“Then what’s the harm?” I ignored the twinge of embarrassment and panic emanating from the palace around me, and picked up a teddy bear from one of the tables. I immediately learned it had been a gift from Tairsi, before… something. A flash of pain and loneliness, and it felt like the memory was cut off.
“Nooo!” Elsenaia popped into existence before me, snatching the bear from me before clutching it to her chest. Instead of her fancy dress and tiara, she wore a simple white one-piece dress, and her hair was loose.
Before I could stop myself, I muttered, “Yep. You definitely look way more adorable relaxed like that.”
Elsenaia’s jaw dropped, and her face flushed pink before turning full-on scarlet. She turned and ran down the hall, still hugging the bear, waves of embarrassment and bewilderment pouring off the palace walls.