DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
6 December 2022
“Second, concerning his allegations of treachery.” Captain Ito paused, and turned to stare into the crowd. “You all know me. My hatred for oni is well known, and I would have been eager for any excuse to remove Lt. Suzune from the army. And even so, I will say such a thing is impossible.”
He turned to the shogun. “Even ignoring every effort she has made to honor your name and family, my lord, I witnessed her fight with the oni swordswoman first-hand. The lieutenant ended that battle with a broken arm and over half her ribs cracked. Even so, she led the rescue efforts for the rest of the ambush force, lifting trees and things like that, and then rushed to rendezvous with the general’s army. We would have lost half again as many men were it not for her quick responses.”
I’ve come to appreciate Ito a lot more. He was kind of a throw away character at first; someone who was supposed to be among Suzune’s multitude of haters. Kind of balance Nakamura’s chauvinistic side with more generic straight racism, I guess? Anyway, he took on a life of his own, which means at some point I’ll have to go back and tweak his introduction to fit his true self better. I really look forward to his character arc.
One concern I have with this scene is how well I handle the shogun and his reactions. I want him to set off warning bells in people’s minds about how he handles/interacts with Suzune, but at the same time, this is not a situation where he can write her off like I’d initially planned. I do have a dinner conversation for the next scene that helps establish their relationship better, but if this scene’s the readers’ first introduction to him, I want everything set up correctly… Unless I skip straight to the dinner, tweak it so he’d already taken care of Nakamura? That could work…
Then Captain Ito stood and saluted. “Permission to speak, my lord?”
“Granted.”
“Concerning the plan Lt. Suzune presented. She offered it in a meeting of all the officers under the general, and the general himself approved it. Nakamura himself was present at this meeting, and no one spoke against the plan itself. If the issue is truly a matter of incompetence, then Lt. Nakamura’s words condemn all of us present, and most especially the general.
“What’s more, it could be said we succeeded in the plan, though the cost was far higher than predicted. Chizu has burned to the ground; I verified that with my own eyes. Nakamura himself should have known this, if he was still present on the battlefield until the end.
“Second, concerning his allegations of treachery.” He paused, and turned to stare into the crowd. “You all know me. My hatred for oni is well known, and I would have been eager for any excuse to remove Lt. Suzune from the army. And even so, I will say such a thing is impossible.”
He turned to the shogun. “Even ignoring every effort she has made to honor your name and family, my lord, I witnessed her fight with the oni swordswoman first-hand. The lieutenant ended that battle with a broken arm and over half her ribs cracked. Even so, she led the rescue efforts for the rest of the ambush force, lifting trees and things like that, and then rushed to rendezvous with the general’s army. We would have lost half again as many men were it not for her quick responses.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Curiously, Lt. Nakamura was not with what remained of the army at Chizu. Perhaps he had already fled.”
The shogun turned to Suzune, and Suzune quailed under his disapproving stare. “A single oni did this much damage to you?”
“Y-yes, Father.” Suzune dropped her gaze to the ground.
Next to her, Ito spoke up again. “If I may, my lord. The way this oni swordswoman fought seemed familiar. If I hadn’t known better, I would have believed it was Swordmaster Kojima himself.”
“I see.” The shogun stared at Suzune a moment longer, before he leaned back and turned to Nakamura. “Have you anything more you wish to say in your defense?”
Nakamura, whose expression had grown more and more sour as Ito talked, was taken aback. “My defense, my lord?”
“You have shamed your superior officer, the general, and cast aspersions on my own family, even if she is just an oni. What’s more, there is a great deal of evidence, beyond even what Captain Ito has just presented, of your cowardly flight from Chizu. Have you anything you wish to add?”
Nakamura’s face paled, and he opened and closed his mouth like a dying fish. “Once it was clear he had nothing to say, the shogun rose from his throne and proclaimed, “Then I strip you of all rank, station, and possessions, and exile you from the shogunate. Let all witness and accomplish it.”
Two of the shogun’s guards marched forward and grabbed Nakamura by each shoulder. He began to protest, but all in the room ignored his cries as he was escorted out.
Once the throne room was silent once more, the shogun announced, “In light of their valor in the battle of Chizu, and considering the loss of so many stalwart officers, I promote both Captain Ito and Lieutenant Suzune to the rank of Major. Let all witness and receive it.”
Suzune’s eyes went wide. She had to hold back her tears as she saluted her father and bowed as low as possible.
Ito, however, seemed more reserved as he bowed. “Thank you for this honor, my lord. But may I request a leave of absence? There is much on my mind after this battle I must consider.”
“If there is something troubling you, we would hear it, that we may know how best to assist you.”
Ito shook his head. “It is only a small thing, my lord, concerning a personal matter. It is not worth troubling our great lord over.”
For a long time the shogun didn’t respond. “How long do you plan for this absence?”
“At least a week, my lord. But no longer than two months.”
“Very well. May your mind be refreshed upon your return.” The shogun clapped and siad, “I will retire to my chambers. Suzune, attend me.”
“Yes, Father.”
As the councilors and officers began filtering out of the room, Suzune followed her father to his private quarters.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
3 December 2022
They entered the room and kneeled before the shogun. “You requested to see me, Father?”
The shogun sat upon his wooden throne, painted cherry red with gold inlays. “Indeed, Lieutenant Suzune. I wish to hear in greater detail the events surrounding the village of Chizu.”
“Yes, Father.” She stood and opened her mouth to speak but her father held up a hand. “First, there is one other report on the matter we would hear. Speak, Nakamura.”
For whatever reason, I was in a major funk all day last Saturday. I still managed to accomplish some things… but I only got about 25 minutes of writing in before I was just… done. I kind of regret it, to be honest, but I think days like that happen sometimes.
On the other hand, I did finish up a fair amount of research on gaslighting (based mostly on this video from Cinema Therapy on Mother Gothel in Tangled), and figured out how that applies to the shogun and some of his interactions with Suzune. Even if I haven’t gotten to them yet.
Suzune marched to the shogun’s throne room. Ito walked just behind her, to her right. She didn’t know what to make of him, anymore; after the battle with the oni girl–Hanako–he’d stopped his angry rants, and even walked beside her as an adjutant, despite the fact he outranked her.
They entered the room and kneeled before the shogun. “You requested to see me, Father?”
The shogun sat upon his wooden throne, painted cherry red with gold inlays. “Indeed, Lieutenant Suzune. I wish to hear in greater detail the events surrounding the village of Chizu.”
“Yes, Father.” She stood and opened her mouth to speak but her father held up a hand. “First, there is one other report on the matter we would hear. Speak, Nakamura.”
From out of the crowd, Lieutenant Nakamura stepped forward and sneered at Suzune. It was all she could do to keep her face impassive; if Nakamura was here, then he’d fled like a coward. Most of those who’d survived Hanako’s onslaught had already reunited with Suzune’s forces; the fact Nakamura hadn’t spoke volumes.
Nakamura bowed to the shogun.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
14 October 2022
From the side, Lieutenant Nakamura, one of the youngest of the senior officers, snorted. “Another intelligent oni? Isn’t one enough?”
Several of the officers glanced up at the horns on Suzune’s head, but she ignored them. “Even the more bestial youkai have a certain measure of cunning, Lieutenant Nakamura. And losing to one of them would cost you more than just your dignity.”
So here we are; the most up-to-date version of Suzune’s introduction. It has plenty of issues - there’s no reference to Suzune’s blue skin, for one - but I still feel pretty satisfied with it for the current draft.
I think the biggest difference was that I’d taken the time to identify a few other members in the meeting, and their general attitudes. This worked great; I have plans now for both Nakamura and Ito in the future that came about as I planned out the final battle in this arc. I feel like both of them will enrich the story, compared to what it would have been.
Suzune, adoptive daughter to the shogun himself, stood behind and to the right of the general’s chair as his aide-de-camp. After Captain Takamoto had returned with only half his squad and no supplies, the general had ordered and emergency staff meeting.
“And this lone oni girl is the one that forced you and your men to retreat?” the general confirmed.
“Yes, General. But she fought like no other we’ve encountered. She was no enraged beast, but a blade in the wind. Please do not underestimate her, despite our failure.”
From the side, Lieutenant Nakamura, one of the youngest of the senior officers, snorted. “Another intelligent oni? Isn’t one enough?”
Several of the officers glanced up at the horns on Suzune’s head, but she ignored them. “Even the more bestial youkai have a certain measure of cunning, Lieutenant Nakamura. And losing to one of them would cost you more than just your dignity.”
Nakamura’s face turned scarlet, but he held his tongue. The general turned his focus back to Takamoto. “Is there anything else you can tell us about this oni? What powers did she exhibit?”
Takamoto paused. “She seemed to prefer to disarm and nullify opponents rather than kill them. In addition to her swordplay, she also has great strength and durability.” He drew his sword - what was left of it - and presented it to the general. “She caught and crushed my blade with one hand. In addition, I believe she has some kind of hidden power that allows her to transform.”
As he spoke, Suzune had to focus to keep the smile off her face. This swordswoman promised to be a worthy foe. But if Suzune let her battle lust show, that would only vindicate the men who looked down on her as “the shogun’s pet oni”. Worse, it would dishonor her father.
The general stroked his beard. “Was the village aiding or sheltering this oni swordswoman?”
“Both the village elder and the girl herself denied it. However, I cannot think of any other reason for an oni to defend this village so vehemently.”
The general nodded to himself. “Is there anything else you wish to report?”
The captain hesitated, then said, “I found the oni’s last words intriguing. She pointed out the fear the villagers had of us, more than they even feared her, and accused us of being the true monsters.”
Suzune blinked in surprise. Before she could process her thoughts, though, Captain Ito, the oldest of the officers, glowered at her and declared, “Monsters? Indeed! Like the monster we have let into our ranks!”
“With all due respect,” Captain Takamoto cut in, “they had no way of knowing about Lieutenant Suzune. She referred to the soldiers of our army; ‘rapists and thieves’, she called them.”
An uproar broke out as everyone shouted at once, but everyone stilled as soon as the general stood up. “It is clear to me that these villagers have something to hide,” he declared. “They fear us because they fear what we might discover. To aid an oni, one of our enemies, is an act of treason against the shogunate, and we will answer in kind!”
A roar of approval filled the tent, and whatever flutter of doubt Suzune may have had flittered away.
The general turned to her and asked, “How do you propose we deal with this threat, Lieutenant Suzune?”
Suzune stepped toward the battle map, but before she could speak, Nakamura saluted the general and asked, “General, why trust this… oni girl with tactical decisions? Surely there are more qualified individuals present!” Several of the others, including Ito, nodded along.
The general nodded to her, and Suzune turned to Nakamura. “Perhaps if you proved more adept than I at strategic thinking, Lieutenant Nakamura, he would ask you. Unless you are requesting a rematch of our shogi game? Perhaps your skills have improved since last time.”
Once more, Nakamura could say nothing. Suzune looked at each of the officers, but none would meet her gaze.
She turned back to the map. “If what Captain Takamoto said about the oni swordswoman is true, then she is the most dangerous threat. I propose we send a small force to lure her back into the woods here.” She pointed to a copse of trees located about a mile down the road from the village. “Then our main force can attack the village from this direction. In the event the oni proves even more dangerous than expected, or if the village has other defenses lying in wait, we should still be positioned to bring our full army to bear on the issue.”
She then laid specific plans for how to confront the oni, potential traps that could be lying in wait for them, and general terrain conditions. The war council agreed to her plan, and she was assigned to the force confronting the oni.
And since that meant she could fight this oni swordswoman, well, who was she to complain?
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)