DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
21 September 2023
“Come now, little lady, no need to fret. Come on out, and I’ll make it nice and painless.” He sniffed the air, and froze when he couldn’t smell his prey anymore. “What the–!? Where did she go!?”
Mei crept around behind him, then drove her fangs into his neck. He screamed and tried to smash her with his tetsubo, but she danced out of the way, a smile on her bloodied lips. He pushed his free hand to his neck and took a shaky step towards her, but he collapsed before he could do anything else.
One shot with Mei from Hanako. I found her quite fascinating, so included this bonus chapter following the previous arc.
Mei sighed, ignoring the rumbling of her stomach. That young man really was a fine specimen; he really would have made a wonderful husband, and father for her brood. Not to mention a delightful snack. But there was no use bemoaning what could have been.
She tasted the air around her, looking for something to allay her ever-present hunger for a time. Maybe a deer; even a rabbit or two would do at this point.
To her surprise, she tasted several oni. Not the refined scent like the lovely girl she’d met yesterday, but the more typical bloody stench she associated with the wild ones. Only moments later and she could hear them, too, crashing through the forest as though the Great King Enma himself hounded their shadows.
Curious, she scurried through the treetops to investigate. While they wouldn’t be husband material, they should certainly make for a delectable meal. She found three of them; two blues and an ebony. She frowned at that last one; it was always a struggle to get her fangs into an ebony, and they always made such a fuss about it while she tried.
A minute or two later, the trio finally slowed down. “I think we should be far enough,” one of the blues said, a short, stocky fellow with a single horn. His hair had been pulled back into a topknot.
“I agree.” The other blue was female, with roughly cut black hair about jaw length. One of her two horns had been broken off at some point. “We should set up camp.”
Mei would have to be careful hunting her; it was generally much harder to seduce women than men, and blues were already far more cautious than most oni. At least, when they were sober.
The ebony, a tall, muscular specimen with a notable underbite, nodded once and began setting up their campsite. Soon the trio had a fire going, and the stocky blue started to whine.
“Ah, dammit! I’m starving! Why couldn’t we have grabbed one or two of those leftover villagers on the way?”
The female snorted. “If you want to go back for them, be my guest. I’m not going anywhere near that devil girl.”
The stocky man shuddered. “Even if that girl is dead, there’s no way. Not with the commander dead, too. He was the only one who could keep those two monstrosities under control.”
“Yeah.” The female flumped backward. “Still, what the hell was with that chick? And how the f*** did a red get that f***ing powerful?”
So the girl did arrive in time. Mei wasn’t sure if she could do anything with that information, but it warmed her heart. The girl seemed to be quite the character.
The oni chatted amongst themselves for an hour or two–or the blues did, the ebony didn’t seem to be able to speak–then drew straws to determine who would take which watch. The stocky man cheered when he drew the first watch, and the other two went to bed, though the female grumbled under her breath.
Mei grinned. She couldn’t have set things up better for herself if she’d tried. She waited another two hours, then climbed out of the trees and moved a hundred yeards or so away and transformed to resemble a helpless young woman. She called out, just loud enough for the stocky blue oni to hear, “H-hello? Is someone there? I… I need help!”
She could taste the blue coming closer, and she turned so she wasn’t looking at him. Let him think he had the surprise, and he’d be far less wary of her trap. “Hello?”
The blue stepped into the clearing and chuckled. “Hello, little lady. Are you lost?”
Mei resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. Instead, she squeaked and bolted deeper into the forest. Relative to human speeds, at least; for Mei, it felt like a brisk jog at best.
The blue didn’t rush her, however. Based on the smile on his face, he intended to enjoy the hunt a little. He must have eaten well before the girl had attacked his camp; if he was as hungry as he had claimed, there’s no way he’d be this casual about a potential meal.
Once Mei broke his line of sight, she jumped into a tree and returned to her natural form. She watched the blue saunter through the forest, with his tetsubo tapping against his shoulder.
“Come now, little lady, no need to fret. Come on out, and I’ll make it nice and painless.” He sniffed the air, and froze when he couldn’t smell his prey anymore. “What the–!? Where did she go!?”
Mei crept around behind him, then drove her fangs into his neck. He screamed and tried to smash her with his tetsubo, but she danced out of the way, a smile on her bloodied lips. He pushed his free hand to his neck and took a shaky step towards her, but he collapsed before he could do anything else.
With practiced efficiency, Mei webbed him up and hoisted him into the treetops. Then she darted over to see if the oni’s screams had woken either of the other two; to her delight, both still slept soundly. She webbed them up, too, and sighed contentedly to herself. She would eat well tonight. And if many other oni had fled the battle into her woods, well… She would probably eat quite well for weeks to come.
20 September 2023
The second ushi-oni turned around, and the last two red oni whirled and began racing Hanako’s direction. Hanako couldn’t afford to spare them more than a glance, though, as the ushi-oni before her tried to squash her flat again and again. It finally stopped and sucked in a deep breath. A purplish fog leaked out the corners of its mouth.
…cracked her ribs. Despite all that, she just grit her teeth, and carefully controlled her breathing to minimize the pain.
As Hanako brought her sword to bear, a small ball of blue flame flew past her head and struck the blue oni. He screamed as he burst aflame. Hanako glanced back to see a woman standing on the town’s wall, an array of nine fluffy tails fanned out behind her. A kitsune?
Before Hanako could acknowledge her, an obese female red charged at her with a massive cleaver raised over her head. With a grimace, Hanako angled her sword upwards, letting the oni impale herself, and sidestepped the oni’s attack by the narrowest of margins.
That wasn’t enough to put the other oni down, however; she was lost in her rampage. She roared in Hanko’s face, pelting her with spittle, while the closer ushi-oni turned around to stomp Hanako and anything nearby into paste.
Hanako pulled her sword out of the oni and dashed to the side, slicing through one of the ushi-oni’s foremost legs as she passed. The beast squealed as black, putrescent blood spurt from the wound. Hanako’s momentum safely carried her beyond the spray, but the red oni behind her wasn’t so lucky. She roared, and when Hanako glanced back, she saw that everywhere the blood landed burned the oni’s skin, and the wound Hanako had given her already festered. The oni only moved a step or two further before she collapsed.
Meanwhile, a few more oni fled for the trees, and another fell to the kitsune’s foxfire. Nearby, a rare three-horned oni with skin like obsidian roared out, “You fools! Never mind the shield! Destroy the intruder already!”
The second ushi-oni turned around, and the last two red oni whirled and began racing Hanako’s direction. Hanako couldn’t afford to spare them more than a glance, though, as the ushi-oni before her tried to squash her flat again and again. It finally stopped and sucked in a deep breath. A purplish fog leaked out the corners of its mouth.
Hanako’s eyes went wide, and she dove underneath the beast. Not a moment later, the ushi-oni breathed out a cloud of noxious gas. One of the reds charging in got caught in it and collapsed onto the the now-decaying grass like a puppet with its strings cut.
Hanako didn’t stop moving; she sliced into the beast’s abdomen as she ran, then charged for the three-horned oni. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to cut him, given her injuries; ebony oni had notoriously durable skin, even stronger than steel. But maybe, with the ushi-oni around, she wouldn’t have to.
Before Hanako could reach him, though, the last red body-checked her. She gasped in pain as she rolled across the ground, only to land at the three-horned oni’s feet.
He smiled cruelly and swung his weapon; Hanako rolled out of the way and back onto her feet, only to find the second ushi-oni barrelling down on her.
Hanako dodged another blow from the three-horned oni and jumped up, using him as a springboard to get above the ushi-oni. She roared as she brought her sword down on the beast’s neck and cleaved its head off. The three-horned oni was caught in the ensuing spray of blood and screamed in pain.
Once she could approach him without contacting the ushi-oni’s blood herself, Hanko put him out of his misery. A careful glance around revealed she was alone on the battlefield; the last red oni had fallen to the kitsune’s foxfire while Hanako was distracted, and the other ushi-oni had collapsed from its wounds.
A wave of exhaustion swept over hanako, and she barely noticed the shield over Nanmoku drop, or when the kitsune dropped down and ran toward her. She only smiled to herself. “Hey. I actually made it this time.”
Then everything went black.
19 September 2023 part 2
That was when the charging ushi-oni arrived and crushed both with its spider legs, each as large as Hanako herself. Hanako narrowly avoided its charge, and swung at a bearded blue oni that appeared beside her. He blocked the attack with his tetsubo and uppercut her with his offhand, jarring her out of her rage.
All at once, all the pain she’d been ignoring crashed down on her at once. Burns stretched down both arms and her sides, and by the pain she felt each time she drew breath, Hanako was fairly certain she’d at least cracked her ribs.
Almost by instinct, Hanako drove the point of her sword into the ground, grounding out the ivory oni’s attack. Her rage burned through the pain, focused so intently on the ivory she barely noticed several of the other oni fleeing back into the forest.
The ivory’s eyes went wide, and he brought his hand up to strike her again. This time, Hanako redirected it into a charging red, barely noticing him collapse to the ground. She was so focused, in fact, she never noticed an female ebony oni swing her tetsubo into hanako’s side.
Hanako crashed to the ground and rolled, the pain in her ribs swallowed up by her rage. She tempered it a bit, enough to be aware of her surroundings, but her goal remained putting that ivory out of action.
For his part, the ivory was in a full-blown panic, and shouted something to one of the ushi-oni. The beast turned and began to charge their direction, even as the ivory raised his hand to blast Hanako again. Before he could, Hanako burst across the remaining distance and sliced off his arm, then pivoted and slashed his throat.
The female ebony caught up and swung her tetsubo at Hanako’s head, while a massive, one-eyed red tried to smash her to a pulp with his club. Hanako ducked around both attacks and cut the red’s feet out from under him. He roared and toppled into the ebony.
That was when the charging ushi-oni arrived and crushed both with its spider legs, each as large as Hanako herself. Hanako narrowly avoided its charge, and swung at a bearded blue oni that appeared beside her. He blocked the attack with his tetsubo and uppercut her with his offhand, jarring her out of her rage.
All at once, all the pain she’d been ignoring crashed down on her at once. Burns stretched down both arms and her sides, and by the pain she felt each time she drew breath, Hanako was fairly certain she’d at least cracked her ribs.
19 December 2022
Before she could finish him off, the yellow one released a burst of pressure. “Do you think a lowly red oni like you could do anything to me?”
Hanako cocked her head. “Ne, oji-san. Was that supposed to be scary? Shouldn’t it be more like this?”
And with that, she released all the pressure, all the anger she felt, both from the threat they posed to the Chizu refugees and for this family who’d lost everything. Red stopped in his tracks and began cowering away from her, and both Yellow and Blue fell back on their butts, horrified.
The final part of her encounter with the oni scouts. I’m honestly not sure on a lot of things with this scene (both the previous part and this one); is Shuten-doji the Youkai King? If so, is he this one or the last one? I’ve been researching Japanese mythology, yokai in particular, to prepare for this story and its various pieces, but I’m on the fence on what to use and how to use it. I don’t want to disrespect the established legends, for one thing. There’s also the fact that Hanako’s story does not take place in Japan, at least the way it’s written now, and I worry that using established figures like Shuten-doji or Tamamo no Mae will make people think it does. I’m definitely drawing heavily there for inspiration, after all…
I’d say the only solutions I can come up with are to make it explicit somehow this isn’t Japan, or to spend time in Japan, do a lot of research, and change place and people’s names to reflect Japan itself. Right now, I don’t think it’s a big deal, where I’m not official publishing this or anything, but it’s something I want to keep in mind.
“Don’t worry about it.” He stroked his chin. “Y’know, all this talk’s got me craving some now.” He gestured to Red. “Grab the bigger one; we’ll save the small one for last. She’ll be the most tender.”
Red glowered at Yellow and grumbled, but he walked over to grab the father. Hanako considered herself lucky she’d gotten as much information out of them as she had. When Red walked past her, she stood and drew her sword. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”
Blue and Yellow exclaimed in surprise and reached for their weapons, but she’d already stabbed Red through the chest before any of the three could react.
Red roared as Hanako pulled her sword free, and she could feel the waves of anger pulsing off of him. He charged her, hands outstretched, but she danced to the side and lopped off his arm as casually as a noble woman might wave her fan.
Blue swung his own kanabo at her, and did his best to stay out of range of her sword, but she dodged and jumped inside his reach. SHe drove her knee into his groin and used the pommel of her sword to bash him in the head, dazing him.
Before she could finish him off, the yellow one released a burst of pressure, though it was barely enough to catch her attention. “You’re good, I’ll give you that,” he sneered. “But do you think a lowly red oni like you could do anything to me?”
Hanako cocked her head. “Ne, oji-san. Was that supposed to be scary?”
Both Yellow and Blue froze. Red had turned and roared at her, and was about to rush in when she said, “Shouldn’t it be more like this?”
And with that, she released all the pressure, all the anger she felt, both from the threat they posed to the Chizu refugees and for this family who’d lost everything. Red stopped in his tracks and began cowering away from her, and both Yellow and Blue fell back on their butts.
Yellow tried in vain to scooch away from her as she slowly walked towards him. “But…how? How?”
Hanako thought for a moment. Then she shrugged. “Practice? Or else it’s because I’ve got something to protect.” She raised her sword and cleaved his head from his body.
Before the body even hit the ground, though, Blue’s voice yelled from behind her, “Drop your sword!”
Hanako spun around, and found him holding the girl by the neck in front of him. His eyes were desperate, as if they’d seen a monster. Hanako found that ironic on a number of levels. He repeated, “Give us your sword, or she dies!”
It only took a moment for Hanako to decide what to do. A small smile played at her lips. “Alright, then. Catch.” She sheathed her sword and tossed it to Blue. His eyes left her for a moment, and Hanako took the chance to dart in. As he caught her sword with his free hand, she drove her fist into his solar plexus, and when he doubled over, she twisted his head and broke his neck.
She retrieved her sword and faced the final oni left. “So what are you going to do, big guy?”
Red looked from Yellow’s corpse to Blue’s body, then up at Hanako, who’s innocent smile didn’t match the hardness in her gaze. He backed away a couple steps, then turned and ran off into the forest.
Hanako turned to the two captives, who looked up at her in fear. She sighed, then removed their gags and began to untie them.
“Who… Who are you?” the father asked.
“Just a wandering swordswoman.” Hanako finished up and stepped back. “There’s a group of refugees about two hours’ walk north of here. Follow this road to the river, then turn right and follow that up. Ask for a woman named Keiko; she’s running things right now.” She turned to leave. “Tell her Hanako sent you.”
She turned to leave, when the father asked, “How can we trust you?”
Hanako looked back at the two oni she’d just killed. Her eyes met the father’s. “If that’s not proof enough, I don’t know what would be. The choice is yours, though.”
And without another word, Hanako left.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
24 November 2022
For a while, Isaac couldn’t find the words. “It’s like… I thought it’d be different, you know? I’ve searched for her for years. My whole life, in a way. I thought it’d be so amazing when we found her, and everyone would be happy, and… Instead, Mom and Dad are all but dead. My eyes are going to drive me insane, and technically, I should’ve been blind. And Aurora… Rapunzel…” He snorted. “Well, whatever I was expecting from my sister, she is not it.”
With a total of 2765 words, Thanksgiving was actually my most productive day this year for Nanowrimo. I was surprised, because my family had a fair amount going on that day, too. Not only that, but it took two hours or more to plan out the first half of the dragon fight with Gothel, during which time I got no words in, since it was all in the planning stage. Overall, I was quite pleased with myself after this.
I’ll probably add more specific notes to the sections below.
Rapunzel couldn’t believe her ears. “Wait… You’d still let me go?”
Isaac shrugged. “You’re as stubborn as I am. If you decide you’re going, you’ll go whether I let you or not. I just want to make sure you’re okay if you do.”
Rapunzel slumped back into the bed. She hadn’t expected that. She took a deep breath and winced, holding her side. Finally, she said, “It’d probably be a good idea to spend a few days, maybe even a week, for me to recover anyways. After that, if your - our - parents aren’t here yet, we can decide what to do then.”
Isaac heaved a sigh of relief. “Sounds like a plan.” He stood up. “I’ll let you rest, then. Do you want me to get you anything?”
Rapunzel’s stomach growled. “Breakfast would be nice. Or… whatever meal it would be right now, I guess.”
Isaac smiled wryly. “I’ll see what I can do.”
(After Phillip and Aurora have attracted the dragon, but before any dragon fights have started)
When Phillip returned a week later - and without Rapunzel, at that - Isaac was more than ready to tear into him. But the worry and urgency in Phillip’s expression made him pause.
Even before he’d fully dismounted, Phillip started trying to explain. “You’ve got… got to get everyone… out of here. Dragon… there’s a dragon coming.”
Isaac exchanged looks with Maleficent. “Dragon? Why? Where’s Rapunzel?”
Phillip put a hand on the wall to brace himself. He took a deep breath. “I think the dragon’s that fairy. Gothel?” At that name, Maleficent’s eyes narrowed, but she let Phillip continue. “She was hunting Aurora, so she used herself as bait and told me to come warn everyone.”
Isaac’s fists clenched. Logically, he knew they’d probably made the right call. But he still wanted to deck his friend for leaving his sister behind to face down a dragon alone. He looked over at Maleficent. “With your magic, would you e able to prepare any defenses? I want to keep the townsfolk safe while they’re evacuating, and, well…” He glanced over at the inn where his parents were located.
“I have a few things I can do about that.” Maleficent turned and got to work, though Isaac couldn’t be sure what she was planning.
Then he called General Conners over. “What do you suggest? I was thinking we should have half the men begin evacuating the citizens, and once they finish, have them set up within the village itself. I could join the other half outside the walls, to try and hold the dragon off as long as we could until the people are safe. We’d need ballistae for both sides.”
Conners saluted him and said, “My only concern, Your Majesty, is that it seems like you’re placing yourself too much at risk. We’ve already as good as lost the king and queen; what will happen to Lowenveil if you fall, too?”
Isaac grimaced. Then he shook his head. “I have to do this, General. For myself, if nothing else, and I think it’s important to show the people that I’m not afraid to stand with them when things get difficult.”
Conners looked like she had thoughts on the subject, but she kept them to herself. “Yes, sire!” She began shouting instructions, divvying up the soldiers into the two camps.
Isaac looked out toward the tower. If Rapunzel did come back, and she’d better, would she want to get involved in the fight, too? If Gothel was after her, Isaac wanted to make sure rapunzel was as far away from her as possible. Somewhere safe.
What if Rapunzel and Maleficent worked together? They were both witches, right? Isaac nodded to himself. That should work.
He watched with baited breath for any sign of his sister. He was so nervous, he almost didn’t react when a great wall of thorns sprouted up and surrounded the village, leaving only an opening at the gate.
Aurora didn’t recognize the village. Her father’s army had amassed outside of it, and somehow a great wall off thorns fifteen feet high had grown up all around it. Maleficent’s doing? Did she have a gift for growing plants?
She spotted Isaac and raced toward him. She could feel Gothel closing in on her, but Isaac gave a signal and a barrage of ballista bolts flew over Aurora’s head and impacted against the dragon.
Aurora pulled up next to Isaac. “I’m pretty sure that’s Gothel.”
“I can see that.” He did seem to be looking at something specific within the dragon. A quirk of having Gothel’s eyesight, perhaps. “Maleficent’s taking care of our defenses; would you go help her?”
Aurora nodded, and walked through the gates in the hedge into the village. On her way, though, she got thinking. Would she get a better chance than this? Maleficent was busy, and no one else was around that would interfere.
She clutched her satchel, and headed for the inn. To her surprise, a second layer of thorns had wrapped themselves tightly around the building, even crawling up and covering the windows. She forced her way inside, only to find Maleficent…
It actually took me a long time to figure out what was going on with Aurora while she was trapped in time, or in the other dimension, or however you want to put it. At this point, all I knew for sure was that it ended with her speaking with the Tower. Then, I had an epiphany. If this happened because she messed with fate, isn’t it like she pulled herself out of alignment with fate? And since fate in this case means the things that happen to you, rather than what you will choose to do yourself (to distinguish between destiny), it means she can’t be affected by anything, but nor can she affect anything else.
…to get back?
She carefully walked past Maleficent and headed upstairs to the room they were keeping her parents. When she reached to open the door, however, her hand passed right through it, like nothing was there.
Aurora shuddered. Then she closed her eyes, braced herself, and stepped through the door.
There they were, asleep. Now, with time frozen, Aurora didn’t even have the rise and fall of their chests to confirm they were still alive. She steeled herself, and reached out to grab their threads of fate. Only… there was nothing to grab. Nothing at all.
Desperately, Aurora rushed over and tried to place her fingers on Hannah’s pulse, forgetting for a second that time had stopped. Only, it wasn’t even that Hannah had no pulse; when Aurora reached for her, her hand passed right through.
That’s when everything clicked for Aurora. She’d accidentally removed herself from fate; nothing could affect her, but she couldn’t affect anything else, either.
Dully, Aurora wandered around the village. She wasn’t sure how long she was at it; it was hard to tell time when nothing around you changed. It could have been fifteen minutes. It felt like days.
She mostly spent time in the room with her parents, though she often visited Isaac out on the battlefield, too. Aurora actually wished she had her paint supplies; she’d actually caught him at a good moment, and he looked quite kingly as he shouted something to his troops. She’d even found the perfect angle, where his outstretched arm framed dragon-Gothel as another round of bolts streaked toward her.
Eventually, though, she decided to go a little farther. She made her way back to the Tower, and was delighted to learn she didn’t get tired. Or hungry. Or randomly collapse because she’d pushed herself too hard. Soon, she started off running, and the feeling was so amazing she could almost forget how screwed she was.
Once she arrived, however, that all vanished. Because there was no more Tower. All that was left was half a wall, no taller than Aurora herself was, and a field of stone and rubble where Gothel, as a dragon, had burst out of it.
(First half of the fight with the dragon)
Isaac confirmed Aurora had made it inside, and then stared at the dragon. The dragon turned her head right and left, sniffing at the air; Isaac thought she seemed confused.
Then the dragon turned to Isaac and her nostrils flared. She roared and rushed toward him.
“Pikes!” Conners yelled, and the two squadrons of pikes, fifty strong each, charged forward from either side and halted her advance. Gothel swiped the claw of her left wing at them, but they managed to divert the attack.
From along the wall, the archers on either side of the gate fired a volley of arrows at the dragon. However, to Isaac’s chagrin, they all bounced off her scales. Isaac had seen those arrows punch through the finest steel armor; what the heck was her hide made out of?
The cavalry on either flank circled around, so they could charge in when an opportunity arose. Meanwhile, Isaac and his guards headed to the right, behind the second squad of pikemen.
Gothel tracked Isaac’s presence, flaring her nostrils now and then. Suddenly she lunged through the squad of pikemen to snap at him, and Isaac barely danced his horse far enough to the side to avoid her. He swung his sword at her face, but much like the archers before him, he was unable to pierce her hide.
“Have the archers retreat to the village!” he shouted, and Conners rushed to carry out his orders. Beside Isaac, the half of the second squadron of pikemen that had neither lost their weapon nor been critically injured split to either side of the dragon’s head and tried to spear her eyes; however, Gothel jerked her head up, beyond the reach of their pikes. The first squadron circled behind her to try to pin her down.
The four squadrons of spearmen repositioned, ready to rush in with their shields of need be. Behind them, two of the ballistae fired; one missed, but the one on the opposite side of the dragon from Isaac glanced a hit on her head, knocking her back a step.
Gothel roared and snapped her head the direction of the ballista, and Isaac saw threads of flame gathering in the back of her throat. His face turned white, and he screamed, “Fire! Get out of the way!”
The ballista crew got the message and barely managed to get away before a stream of flame turned the ballista to ashes. The squadron of spearmen between Gothel and the ballista, however, weren’t so lucky. They got their shields up in time, but many of the men at the front of their formation screamed as the shields in their hands superheated and burned the skin off their arms. A couple even fainted from the heat.
Isaac grimaced, and pulled back with the pikemen from the second squadron. That gave the first cavalry unit room to charge through, and drive their lances into Gothel’s flank. While none of them could pierce her, they were able to knock her off balance. This time, as well, Isaac finally noticed the streams of blue magic swirling under the dragons scales, and the way they focused wherever Gothel was getting attacked.
With a roar, Gothel swiped with her tail. While the cavalry had already cleared past her, the tail did smash into the other squadron of pikemen, and three or four of them flew into the air a ways.
Isaac scowled and ordered, “All pikemen, retreat! Spearmen and cavalry, cover them!”
Gothel cocked her head and turned back toward him. She roared, and Isaac caught a whiff of peppermint mixed with smoke and charcoal. She beat her wings, and the winds knocked him off his horse. He barely rolled out of the way before the claws on her right wing slammed down where he’d fallen.
Two more ballista bolts rocked into her, diverting her attention away from Isaac. She glared up at the one closest to her, and once again sucked in and prepared to spew flames.
“Here it comes again!” Isaac yelled. But before Gothel released it, the second cavalry unit charged in and drove her head up, and the flames blew harmlessly into the sky.
As they passed by, however, they got too close to Gothel’s tail, and with a single swipe she knocked a dozen horsemen off their horses.
A quick glance confirmed that most of the pikemen had finished retreating, other than those that couldn’t move. “Everybody, pull back!” Isaac called. “Behind the hedge!”
The cavalry rode off, and the spearmen locked shields and backed as quickly as they could toward the village gates. Isaac took one last look around, at all the dead and injured they had to leave behind, and cursed under his breath. Then he ran for the gate with everyone else.
This scene takes place just after Hannah and Frederick have sacrificed themselves. I was dissatisfied with the attention I’d given their grieving up to that point, and wanted to expand on it. The next two scenes are actually the bits I was most proud of today. I felt very happy with them.
Phillip knocked on Isaac’s door. When no one answered, Phillip cracked it and poked his head in.
The room was completely dark. No candles, and the shutters were closed, not that it mattered this time of night. Isaac himself sat on the bed, slouched over so his elbows rested on his knees, staring down at nothing.
“Yo! Still living?”
Isaac started. “Oh, it’s just you, Phillip.”
“Who else would I be?”
Isaac shrugged and returned to staring at the floor.
“What the heck are you doing all alone in the dark, anyway?”
Isaac clenched his eyes shut. “Ever since Aurora gave me that fairy’s sight, everything is… weird. I see things. Too many things. And none of it makes sense.” He flopped backward onto the bed. “Even without that, nothing makes sense.”
Phillip plopped onto the bed opposite him. “Wanna talk about it?”
For a while, Isaac couldn’t find the words. “It’s like… I thought it’d be different, you know? I’ve searched for her for years. My whole life, in a way. I thought it’d be so amazing when we found her, and everyone would be happy, and… Instead, Mom and Dad are all but dead. My eyes are going to drive me insane, and technically, I should’ve been blind. And Aurora… Rapunzel…” He snorted. “Well, whatever I was expecting from my sister, she is not it.”
He sat up and really looked at Phillip for the first time. “It’s like, the moment we found her, my whole life fell apart. Does that make sense?”
Phillip shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Things kinda suck.” He leaned back. “Still, though, if things suck this bad for you, how much worse to they gotta be for her?”
Isaac’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Well, think about it. You lost two parents, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t she just lose three? Maybe four, if you count the Tower. Heck, she blinded Gothel herself, and that was for your sake. It’s not like she wanted us to find her, either. You still have your home, your friends, everything else in life. What does she have?”
That hurt. Isaac didn’t want to admit it. He knew Phillip had a point, but didn’t he have a right to grieve, too?
Phillip let the silence rest for several minutes, then lay down to go to sleep. “It doesn’t gotta be right away. But sometime soon, you oughtta talk to her. You’re all the family either of you has left right now.”
Isaac didn’t get much sleep that night.
Aurora was heading outside when Isaac caught her. “Hey, I think we should talk.”
Now? Aurora sighed. She took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”
They headed out to a little meadow not far from town. Aurora watched Isaac and tried to figure out what this was about. He kept fiddling with his hands, or pacing back and forth.
Finally got fed up. “Is this about what happened with Mom and Dad?”
Isaac blanched, then nodded. “I’m just… still trying to process everything.”
Aurora nodded. They waited a moment longer, then Isaac sat down and looked at his hands clasped in front of him. “A lot has happened since we met. You blinded the mother you grew up with. I see things that make no sense. Our parents are so deeply asleep, they might as well be dead. I guess…” He sighed and looked up at Aurora. “I wondered how you were holding up.”
Aurora rubbed her arms. “I… I don’t know.” She looked at Isaac. “I was supposed to be dead right now. I’ve lived most of my life coming to terms with that. And now… that’s gone.” She laughed bitterly. “I’ve screwed everything up, haven’t I? It’s like I told you. It would’ve been better just to leave me in my Tower.”
For a very long time, Isaac didn’t answer. It struck Aurora that he might actually agree. She’d screwed up his life just as badly as she had her own, after all.
Eventually, he sighed. “Rapunzel–”
Aurora flinched, and he paused. When he didn’t continue right away, she asked, “Actually… Would you call me Aurora from now on? I know what I said before, but…”
Isaac’s eyes widened, but his expression softened into a smile. “Yeah, I can do that.”
After a moment, Aurora spoke again. “Sorry. About getting so… angsty, I guess? I just… I feel lost.”
Isaac scooched around and hugged her shoulders. “Well, you’re stuck with me, now. Like it or not, you’re kind of the only family I have left.”
Aurora chuckled and poked him in the side. “You don’t suppose they offer exchanges on little brothers somewhere, do they?”
They both laughed at that, and just enjoyed each other’s company in the afternoon sunlight.
Most recently updated draft of Rapunzel, the Sleeping Beauty (potentially including unposted content)
23 November 2022
Once the dragon faded away and only Gothel remained, that’s when it really struck Aurora that this was real, it was really her.
Aurora walked over and pulled the sword out of Gothel’s back, then turned her body over so she could at least face the sky. Aurora’s heart churned. This was the woman she’d called “mother” for all those years. And she’d helped kill her.
Looking back over my notes, it seems this was right before I let myself relax about my old goal of 40k words, and made a new, more achievable goal to finish my draft before Nanowrimo ended. That helped things flow a lot better. This was also the day I realized I’d filled things in enough that I had to start making lists of what scenes or transitions I needed to write.
With the whole scenario around Aurora collapsing, I’m worried people will think I’m siding with Isaac, because he was “right” and Aurora did collapse. I don’t, necessarily. I think he kind of mishandled the situation; Aurora would have been much more amenable to the idea of staying put if he hadn’t approached it the way he had. This doesn’t excuse Aurora, either, of course. They’re both kind of dumb with this. But in a believable, “I can’t really blame them” kind of way. that said, I might make better use of the inherent time crunch of Aurora’s impending death to motivate her to at least see the castle once.
Then a wall slammed up into the dragon’s lower jaw from underneath, directing her attack away from Isaac and Phillip and providing them a shield. Aurora slid in from behind it and stopped beside Isaac. “I’m sorry, but nothing I’m trying seems to be working! She’s blocking my magic somehow!”
“Don’t worry, you’re helping plenty. Try to time your next attack just before the ballistae fire at her!”
Aurora nodded, then moved away and tried to divert Gothel’s attention off of Isaac and Phillip. Isaac took the chance to look over his friend; he’d want a doctor to take a look just to be safe, but it seemed to be nothing more than a nasty concussion and a few broken ribs. At the very least, Phillip was still breathing.
Isaac heaved a sigh of relief and turned around just as a trio of ballista bolts dug into the dragon’s flank. The dragon screamed and swiped at Aurora in front of her, but Aurora diverted the attack with the Tower’s walls.
The blue humanoid core that was Gothel’s main self began backing away from Aurora, moving through the dragon’s body to somewhere closer to Isaac. Isaac quietly drew his sword and snuck closer, and when he got a chance, he drove his sword between the dragon’s scales directly into Gothel’s core self.
There was a momentary pause, and then the dragon began to writhe as blue smoke poured out from all its wounds. Isaac barely avoided the thing’s tail as it slammed the ground and buildings nearby.
Over the next ten to fifteen seconds, the form of the dragon shrank and faded away, leaving only a dark haired woman with Isaac’s sword in her back.
Isaac collapsed backwards and sat down next to Phillip, and just stared up at the sky. He couldn’t help the silly grin that spread over his face. They’d survived.
Once the dragon faded away and only Gothel remained, that’s when it really struck Aurora that this was real, it was really her.
Aurora walked over and pulled the sword out of Gothel’s back, then turned her body over so she could at least face the sky. Aurora’s heart churned. This was the woman she’d called “mother” for all those years. And she’d killed her.
Sure, Isaac was the one to actually do it. And at the time, Gothel was actively trying to kill Aurora, herself. But Aurora couldn’t help feeling guilty, and also that she’d just lost something very special to her.
She wasn’t sure if tears were mixed with the raindrops on her face. She wasn’t sure if Gothel deserved them if they were. Regardless, she wiped her face clean. “Whatever afterlife fairies might go to, if there even is one, I hope you’re at peace.” She closed Gothel’s eyes, then shifted so she held her knees tight against her chest.
Isaac watched her, and after a few moments passed, he asked, “What’s on your mind?”
Aurora shrugged. “I guess it feels like I’m a bad luck charm. Or worse. At least when it comes to parents. Frederick and Hannah are in a deep coma, and might never wake up. The Tower was ripped apart when Gothel came to chase after me. And as for Gothel herself, well…” She gestured to the corpse next to her. “It kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”
(After escaping the Tower, as Gothel is turning into a dragon, in the version where they don’t see it happen)
The trip back was relatively uneventful. They spent most of the journey chatting about random thigs, especially the King Arthur novel series. Phillip recommended a few other novels as well, which Aurora intended to read once they got back home.
Aurora and Phillip could almost see the castle walls when a large shadow passed overhead. They looked up, and their eyes nearly bugged out when they saw the deep blue dragon soaring above them. “What the heck is it now?” Phillip said.
Then it landed a few hundred feet from them and began to swing its head left and right, sniffing at the air. When she looked more closely, Aurora realized that its eyes were milky white, and a horrible conclusion occurred to her. “Gothel?”
As soon as she spoke, the dragon’s head fixated on her. Only a moment later, Aurora and Phillip urged their horses to rush to the side, just before a blast of fire tore through the space they’d just been standing in.
“You run ahead and warn the city,” Aurora yelled. “Tell Isaac; he can summon the army and evacuate people or something!”
“What about you?” Phillip shouted back.
“I’ll keep her distracted,” Aurora replied. “It’s me she wants anyway!”
Phillip looked like he’d just bitten something extraordinarily bitter, but he nodded and wheeled his horse around. “If you die, Isaac and Maleficent are both gonna kill me. So don’t die!”
“Don’t plan on it!”
And with that, Phillip rode off.
The next hour or so felt like an eternity. Aurora pulled every trick she could think of to dodge, distract, and outrun the dragon-Gothel. Eventually, she decided her luck was running thin, and she made a break for the northern gates of the capital.
(After Aurora has left the Tower, on their way to the capital)
An hour later, though, and that tightness had turned to chest pain. Rapunzel started coughing here and there, though she did her best to hide it. Still, it wasn’t too long before Isaac pulled back alongside her. “Are you alright?”
Rapunzel faked a smile. “Yeah, I’ll be…” She coughed into her fist, then continued. “I’ll be fine.”
Isaac gave her a worried look. “Are you sure? We can stop and take a break, if you need us to.”
Rapunzel paused, then glanced down the road. “How far to the next town?”
Isaac looked over to Phillip, who replied, “It’s about a half hour. Maybe forty-five minutes.”
“I should be good until then.” Rapunzel started hacking again, then smiled weakly at Isaac. “But maybe once we get there, we should stop and rest for a while.”
“Alright.” There was clear doubt in Isaac’s eyes, but he didn’t press the issue, and pulled ahead again.
Now that he wasn’t watching for a moment, Rapunzel grimaced and clutched at her chest. “Thirty minutes, I only have to last thirty minutes.”
Her vision started to go white, but Rapunzel was so focused on staying conscious she didn’t notice. Then something hard crashed into her right side, and it took Rapunzel a moment to realize she’d fallen off her horse. The last thing she saw was Isaac jumping off his horse and running toward her, and then everything went black.
When she woke up, Rapunzel wasn’t sure where she was or what was happening. After a moment, however, she vaguely remembered falling off her horse; this must be an inn room somewhere. She sat up and looked around.
Isaac sat in a far corner of the room. He looked sullen, and bags had started to form under his eyes.
Rapunzel bit her lip. She was almost afraid to call out to him. “H-hey.”
Isaac’s eyes snapped to hers, and first shock, and then relief washed over his face. Then his expression hardened, and he glared at her; really glared, not the exasperated kind he’d given her during their banter while she was in the Tower. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Rapunzel wasn’t sure what to say. “I… I guess I didn’t want to worry you.”
There was a beat where he didn’t respond. Then he threw up his hands and said sarcastically, “Well, that worked wonderfully!” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I even asked you about it. You said you were fine.”
“I know. I know, it’s just… I wanted to prove I could do it, you know? Even without Gothel’s magic keeping me ‘healthy’.”
Isaac gestured to her and the bed. “Well, apparently, you can’t.”
Rapunzel flinched and shrank into herself. She wanted to argue, but what could she say? Here she was. He was right.
Isaac saw the expression on her face, and his own softened. “I’m sorry. That’s not… It’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s the truth.” Rapunzel couldn’t quite keep the pout out of her voice.
Isaac scowled. He took a deep breath. “So what do you want to do? If you do still want to keep pushing forward, we’ll need to come up with a plan to make sure you’re not pushing yourself too hard. But if you want to stay and wait here, that works, too.”
Most recently updated draft of Rapunzel, the Sleeping Beauty (potentially including unposted content)
22 November 2022
Isaac darted through an alleyway to try and regroup with the soldiers stationed in the plaza nearby. Gothel landed on the remains of the tailor’s shop, causing it to collapse, and after sniffing the air, she pointed her snout straight down the alleyway after Isaac. Her jaws opened, and Isaac could see the flicker in the back of her throat that signaled her flame breath.
Battle scenes are both a lot of fun, and really difficult to write well, I think.
This one’s interesting, because while I was planning out the other half of this battle, the stuff that happened before Isaac headed into town, I came up with a whole bunch of other thoughts and ideas how this could go that might make it so much better. For example, what is Maleficent doing? Why is she prioritizing that over a freaking dragon, especially when that dragon is one of her personal enemies? So I plan on getting Maleficent involved. (In the first half I have a couple excuses ready, but they don’t hold up for the second half.) There’s a few other quirks, too. So while I am moderately proud of this scene, the final version will look nothing like this.
Isaac raced back through the main gate. How were they going to kill this thing? Could you even kill a fairy turned dragon?
As he ran, he watched in horror as dragon Gothel swooped overhead and crashed into the main office of the city watch, where one of the ballistae had been firing at her. The soldiers he’d stationed east of the gate began firing arrows at her but the vast majority bounced off her scales, and the few that didn’t only served to annoy her further.
Gothel roared, then summoned her fire breath into the city at the archers. Isaac didn’t have a good view; he hoped the soldiers had been able to find cover.
As Isaac kept running down the main street, a trio of ballista bolts flew and hit the dragon. In response, Gothel roared and beat her wings. Just when it looked like she would dive for the ballista on top of the merchants’ guild headquarters, though, Isaac called out, “Oi, you dumb lizard! Over here!”
Gothel’s head snapped to him; her nostrils flared as she tried to pinpoint his exact location.
Isaac turned off onto one of the side streets to the west, past a cobbler’s shop. A moment later, he was showered in shoes and splinters and Gothel burst through the roof and out the front wall to snap at him.
Her teeth missed him by inches when he fell, and Isaac rolled back to his feet and took off running. He curled around behind the tailor’s shop as the soldiers released another barrage of arrows, and another round of ballista bolts slammed against the scales on her back, cracking a few of them.
As Isaac watched, however, blue streams of Gothel’s magic flowed under the cracked scales and repaired them. Isaac cursed under his breath.
He didn’t have long to consider the implications, though, as Gothel unleashed her fire breath right at him. It torched the tailor’s shop, and Isaac had to back away from the building because of the heat.
He darted through an alleyway to try and regroup with the soldiers stationed in the plaza nearby. Gothel landed on the remains of the tailor’s shop, causing it to collapse, and after sniffing the air, she pointed her snout straight down the alleyway after Isaac. Her jaws opened, and Isaac could see the flicker in the back of her throat that signaled her flame breath.
[Aurora’s entrance]
Isaac felt so overwhelmed all he could do was laugh. When he could speak again, he said, “We can’t get through her scales. If you have some way to weaken her defenses or even divert her magic away from protecting herself, that would be amazing.”
“Can do.” Aurora nodded, and then began riding her bit of the Tower as it flowed around to Gothel’s other side, to try to lead her back toward the walls. “Oi! It’s me again! I’m over here!”
Gothel spun around, and her tail smashed through a couple of the nearby houses. For the first time during the battle, Isaac could understand what she was saying when she roared, “Rapunzel!”
Isaac ducked to avoid the debris, and made it to the plaza where the rest of the army had set up. He found Conners there, and told her, “Aurora is going to try to weaken the dragon’s defenses. On my signal, fire everything we’ve got at her.”
“Yes, sire!” As Conners motioned to spread the orders, another round of bolts slammed into the back of the dragon’s head, to no avail.
Isaac made eye contact with Aurora and nodded, raising hes fist. She nodded back, and her eyes began to flare purple as she reached out to Gothel.
Gothel roared at Aurora, and her magic condensed into a barrier between them. Recognizing the chance, Isaac swung his fist down, and a rain of arrows pierced Gothel’s hide, actually doing some damage.
Just then, on the other side of the dragon, Isaac saw Phillip rushing in to rejoin the fight. Isaac’s eyes widened and he shouted, “What are you doing?”
He didn’t know whether Phillip couldn’t hear him or just ignored him, but either way, he charged in and plunged his sword into the back of Gothel’s hind leg.
Gothel roared in pain, and slammed her tail into Phillip, smashing him into the building. She spun toward him as Isaac rushed to his side, and lunged toward them, teeth bared, before Isaac could even check his vitals.
Most recently updated draft of Rapunzel, the Sleeping Beauty (potentially including unposted content)
31 October 2022
“They’ll kill you. You know that, right?” Keiko asked.
Benjiro strapped his old sword to his side and ignored the ache in his joints. “There are worse things than death. That girl reminded me of that.”
When I started, I had a couple choices. I could work on another story, write the aftermath of the final battle in Hanako’s story, or I could tweak the final battle to make it fit my vision better. I did the last of those.
I actually like the way it ends as is, at least for a stand alone short story. If I build on this, more of a transition might be a good idea… or maybe not. I don’t know. But the end carries a certain weight to it, and anything I can think of to wrap things up would take away from that. I also liked the tweaks and things I did; fleshed the scenes out more. The bit with Keiko and Benjiro was fun, too.
“They’ll kill you. You know that, right?” Keiko, the woman who had defended the oni sword girl, asked.
Benjiro strapped his old sword to his side and ignored the ache in his joints. “There are worse things than death. That girl reminded me of that.” He gave Keiko a gentle smile and made his way outside.
Screams and shouts headed their way from the north, and they could see villagers rush to get away from the encroaching army. Keiko glanced that way before she tightened the grip on her pan. “Then I’m coming, too.”
Benjiro shook his head. “The villagers need a leader, one they can trust. They’re panicked; even if those few of us who can fight could hold them back, it’ll mean nothing if we can’t organize the evacuation.”
Keiko’s expression turned bitter, but she didn’t argue. From her, that was as good as a promise. The old man nodded to her once, and headed toward the shogun’s soldiers.
Chiaki’s mom
“What… what happened?”
“She was directing evacuees out of the village when a few of the shogun’s men found us. Chiaki was…”
Entering the village
Once she arrived, half the village was aflame. She pulled a handkerchief over her nose and mouth to avoid the worst of the smoke, but even then, it was difficult to breathe at times.
As she raced into the village, she began seeing bodies here and there. Among them was the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him; he sat in the street, clutching his stomach. His sister shook his shoulder as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Hanako almost stopped, but if she didn’t take care of the army, nothing she did here would matter. So she ignored the ache in her chest and rushed toward the sound of fighting ahead. Not long after that, she ran into a pocket of villagers about to be overwhelmed by a group of the shogun’s soldiers. Hanako rushed in behind them and cut the soldiers down before they knew what was happening; she didn’t have the leeway to be merciful right now.
The villagers turned to thank her, but she yelled, “Just get away from here!” They nodded and fled, taking the wounded with them as best they could. As she moved forward, she came across several small cells of the shogun’s army; she dealt with them the same way.
When she arrived at the town square, she found their commander…
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
29 October 2022
Once she arrived, over half of it was already aflame. Soon she arrived at a makeshift tent that had been set up, which seemed to serve as a hospital of sorts. Among the handful inside, the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him lay on a cot, clutching his stomach. His sister sat next to him, clutching his arm as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Round two on the final battle. I like this one a lot more; there’s still a few tweaks I made to it after this on the 31st, but overall, this is the core of what I used.
I’m still iffy on the general offering Hanako a place with the shogun’s army. Just feels off. But he needed to say something. I’ll likely change that at a later date, especially if I wind up doing anything more formal with this story.
Hanako didn’t know how much of what she felt was rage and how much was panic. As she jumped back toward the village, all she could think about was the village elder’s face as he’d screamed, “She’s doomed us all!”
It wasn’t long before she ran into a group of people running into the forest. She recognized the woman who’d defended her against the village elder, who seemed to be the one keeping everyone together. Hanako stopped and asked, “What’s going on?”
The woman replied, “The army attacked. A massive group of them, from the north. Benjiro gathered what people he could to slow down and let us escape, but…” She shook her head. “They’re mostly just old men and boys.”
Hanako’s chest tightened. “I’m on my way. Be careful; there was another force further that way. I took care of most of them, but there could be stragglers.”
The woman nodded. “Thank you.”
Hanako turned to leave, but she caught sight of Chiaki, with vacant eyes and tears flowing down her cheeks. “Chiaki?”
She reached out to her, but the woman from before pulled her back. “Leave her be.”
“What… what happened?”
“Her mother was one of the first to fight back; Chiaki was still there when they killed her. We managed to pull her away before anything worse happened, but…”
Ice ran through Hanako’s veins as memories of the gentle innkeeper passed through her mind. She hadn’t known the woman long, but it was enough to have earned Hanko’s respect. The beast inside Hanako’s chest strained against her control, almost breaking free, and tears pooled in her eyes, though they didn’t fall yet. “Be safe.”
“You too.” The woman waved her off, and Hanako dashed for the village.
Once she arrived, over half of it was already aflame. Soon she arrived at a makeshift tent that had been set up, which seemed to serve as a hospital of sorts. Among the handful inside, the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him lay on a cot, clutching his stomach. His sister sat next to him, clutching his arm as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Hanako almost stopped, but if she didn’t take care of the army, nothing she did here would matter. So she ignored the ache in her chest and rushed toward the sound of fighting ahead. On the way, she thought she caught sight of the village elder, eyes open, sword in hand, laying in the street.
When she finally arrived at the battlefront, she saw their commander, an old, white-haired general, with the captain she’d fought in town earlier beside him. A few dozen soldiers were scattered around, fighting the last of the villagers who tried to resist.
“That’s her, sir,” the captain said. “The oni swordswoman.”
The general studied Hanako. “So Suzune failed to pin her down.”
The last threads on Hanako’s control began to fray, and she pulled out her sword. The general looked unconcerned. “You, swordswoman. You don’t carry yourself like other oni. Would you consider joining the shogun’s forces?”
Hanako was incredulous. “For what? More of this? Burned villages and murdered townsfolk?”
A few soldiers flinched at that, but the general remained impassive. “We only do the will of the shogun.”
That was the last push. The restraints on Hanako’s wrath snapped, and she roared into the army in a storm of steel and blood. Everything blurred together as tears streamed down her face. She vaguely remembered cutting down the general and the captain; there was also a group of soldiers who moved to surround her only to lose their heads. Another group tried nets; before they could throw them, though, she stomped the ground, and the weakened village buildings collapsed on top of them.
Even after the troops broke ranks and began to flee, Hanako’s wrath drove her on, and she screamed as she cut them down. By the time she came to her senses, she stood alone on a field of corpses.
Hanako sank to her knees, and gazed at the devastated village as it burned. She looked down at her blood soaked hands, and then screamed to the sky.
By the time Suzune had come to and gathered what was left of her forces, everything was over. They’d hobbled to the village, in hopes to rendezvous with the rest of the army. But when they arrived, they could only look in horror. Captain Ito watched the flames flicker against the dying light of evening; he’d been assigned as an archer to Suzune’s force, and was one of the few lucky enough to escape uninjured.
Suzune’s attention, however, wasn’t on the village, but on a lone figure kneeling in the blood and muck a little ways away. One of her other men also noticed and moved to draw his bow, but Suzune pushed it back down.
The men all looked to her. “Unless you managed to kill her with a single shot,” she explained, “which I doubt, you’d engage us in a fight we’re in no condition to win. Besides…” she looked around the devastation around them. “I think there’s been enough death here today.”
She signaled the retreat, but while the rest of her force turned to head back, she continued staring at Hanako. “Say, Captain Ito.” She spoke softly, and Ito paused. “When we die, do you think anyone will weep for us like that?”
Ito turned and looked at the red haired oni girl. “After what I’ve seen here,” he whispered, “I honestly don’t know.”
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
28 October 2022
“I only do the will of the shogun.”
They held each other’s gaze for just a moment. With a yell, they charged at each other at the same moment. Once they’d crossed paths, the blade of the general’s sword fell to the ground where it had been cut, and he began to bleed at the throat. Yet he still had time to whisper, “Magnificent,” before he collapsed to the ground.
Moments later, Hanako sank to her knees, and for the first time she noticed the tears that had been streaming down her face. She looked down at her blood soaked hands, and then screamed to the sky.
So, here we are, the first draft of the final battle. It’s interesting how different it is from the forest battle with Suzune and her men; that was very technical, with the focus on the action. This one seemed to call for a more emotion-centric approach. That’s actually why I redid it; I didn’t think I pulled in enough emotional weight for Hanako’s reactions to make sense.
I thought the bit with the general was cool, though, even if the changes I made make it non-canon now.
Hanako didn’t know how much of what she felt was rage and how much was panic. As she jumped back toward the village, all she could think about was the village elder’s face as he’d screamed, “She’s doomed us all!”
By the time she’d gotten close, several buildings, including the inn, were aflame. Most of the villagers fled before the soldiers; what few tried to plead with them had been cut down. A small group was doing their best to defend the retreating masses from the army, but even at this distance Hanako could tell they wouldn’t last long.
Like a whisper in her ear, Hanako heard the words, “You’ve doomed us all.” And with that, the last tethers on her rage broke, and she roared into the rear of the army in a storm of steel and blood.
Everything blended together. She vaguely remembered a group of soldiers tried to surround her, only to lose their heads. Another group tried to throw nets and entangle her; she stomped, shaking the earth so much they dropped the nets, where she picked them up and flung them about like a flail.
Even after the troops broke ranks and began to flee, Hanako’s wrath drove her on, and she roared as she cut them down. It was only when the commander, a white-haired general stood before her that she wrenched herself out of her haze of wrath.
Around them, flames crackled and devoured the village. Hanako gestured around them. “Is this what you and your shogun want? Burned villages and murdered families? All for what?”
The general set his face to stone. “I only do the will of the shogun.”
The general had been loyal to the shogun his whole life. He did not doubt. He did not question. He simply moved as an extension of the shogun’s will.
So when he realized the village had little to nothing in the way of defenses, he thought little of it. They had sheltered an oni; therefore, they were enemies of the shogunate. It was as simple as that.
The first flickers of doubt crept into his mind, however, when he saw the village elder draw his weapon and lead the few men they had left against the army. The general had asked, “I thought you denied sheltering the oni?”
The village elder smiled wryly, even as he barely managed to turn the general’s sword away from his body. “I am ashamed to admit it, but that is the truth. Had we known what she was, we never would have let her in.”
“Ashamed?” The general waved around them. “Would that not have saved your village?”
The elder snorted. “There are worse things than death. That girl reminded me of that. We were doomed the moment you camped near our gates.”
And the general killed him. But the elder’s words struck a chord.
It was not long thereafter when the oni crashed into his army like a blazing red comet. The general watched her fight in amazement. There was no more attempts to be non-lethal; this time, she was here for the slaughter. Yet even in that, the general could not help but feel reverence at her grace and skill; he’d rarely seen that in human swordsmen, much less the monstrous oni.
Yet even then, what struck him most wasn’t her swordplay or destructive power. It was the tears that streamed down her face.
“I only do the will of the shogun.”
They held each other’s gaze for just a moment. With a yell, they charged at each other at the same moment. Once they’d crossed paths, the blade of the general’s sword fell to the ground where it had been cut, and he began to bleed at the throat. Yet he still had time to whisper, “Magnificent,” before he collapsed to the ground.
Moments later, Hanako sank to her knees, and for the first time she noticed the tears that had been streaming down her face. She looked down at her blood soaked hands, and then screamed to the sky.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
24 October 2022
The archers fired at Hanko, but she dodged them and closed in on the nearest swordsman. She drove her fist into his solar plexus and dropped him, and then kicked one of the fallen trees into the chest of the other one.
Suzune began to laugh, and unable to contain herself any longer, she jumped in. She swung the kanabo down as she landed, but Hanako rolled backward, clearing the log behind her.
This was fun. I’d actually taken graph paper to map out where everyone was and how they moved, and it is such a mess. I’m glad I took notes “round by round” so I could understand what was happening because that map looks illegible now. It does make it clear where all the action is concentrated, though.
The mapping and choreography actually happened on the 22, while I was watching the black belt clinic my brother had organized it, but I got home super late that night and didn’t want to feel rushed to write this scene in its entirety before bed.
Suzune headed the force as they followed the road through the forest. The other officers claimed she was “more likely to survive an ambush”, not that she minded. Up front was where she was most likely to satisfy her battle-lust.
Even she couldn’t hide her surprise, though, when they found a redheaded girl cheerily eating lunch off the side of the road. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she wore a simple kamishiro with red accents. To make the image particularly surreal, a cart filled with tied up ahlf-naked men was parked beside her. Suzune recognized some of them from the missing members of Takamoto’s squad.
The girl looked up and beamed at them. “Good afternoon!” Her eyes locked onto Suzune. For a moment, the girl was stunned silent, but then she rushed up. “Are you an oni, too? I hadn’t expected to meet one here! I thought the shogun hated yokai? Oh, is that a kanabo!? I’ve never actually seen one in real life before!”
This was the oni swordswoman? Suzune couldn’t help feeling bitter as she swallowed her disappointment. The girl couldn’t be any older than she was, and stood a full head shorter than her. Suzune moved her kanabo out of the girl’s reach and asked, “So you’re the oni swordmaster we’ve heard about?”
The girl stepped back and scratched the back of her head sheepishly. “Ah, yeah, probably. They kicked me out of the village when they learned what I was.” She held out her hand for a handshake. “I’m Hanako. What’s your name?”
Behind her back, Suzune signaled the archers to get ready to fire, while the rest of her men began circling around to surround Hanako. “Lieutenant Suzune.” She shot an inquisitive look over Hanako at the cart.
“Oh, right. These are all the guys that got left behind earlier. We sold their armor, though; hope you don’t mind.”
“We”, huh? So that bit about getting kicked out was Hanako’s attempt to protect the village. Suzune pretended not to notice and motion to a couple of her men, who retrieved the cart and began pulling it back towards camp.
As soon as it was clear, Suzune signaled the archers to fire. However, as soon as they released, Hanako inhaled and let out a roar so powerful it deflected all but a few of the arrows, which she avoided with ease.
Suzune’s eyes widened, and her lips curled into a feral smile. In the split second before Hanako roared, Suzune swore the redhead’s expression turned to stone, and the pressure she exuded now was nothing like it was before. Afterward, her skin returned to normal, but that pressure hadn’t left.
Still, Hanako wore a half-cocked smile as she said, “You really shouldn’t do this. Against this many opponents, I don’t think I can hold back. People might get killed.”
Suzune snorted. “That’s part of what it means to be a soldier.” She gave a shout, and everyone moved in.
In response, Hanako’s smile dropped. “Alright, then.” She raised one foot. Her skin flashed crimson and her hair turned white as she stomped the ground and unleashed a massive shockwave; every tree within a hundred meters toppled over. Most of Suzune’s forces had been pinned or knocked unconscious, and a few were likely crushed. Suzune herself had to jump back to avoid getting caught, but the part of her that thrived on battle could only rejoice.
Still, she kept enough composure to check that the cart with the returned soldiers was fine, and confirmed that only a handful of archers remained. Near Hanako, a group of spearmen picked themselves back up, and a pair of swordsmen drew their weapons and tried to circle around her.
The archers fired at Hanko, but she dodged them and closed in on the nearest swordsman. She drove her fist into his solar plexus and dropped him, and then kicked one of the fallen trees into the chest of the other one.
Suzune began to laugh, and unable to contain herself any longer, she jumped in. She swung the kanabo down as she landed, but Hanako rolled backward, clearing the log behind her.
A few more arrows streaked in, but Hanako drew her sword to divert them only to resheathe it. Suzune’s rage pulsed over the battlefield; this girl dared fight her without her weapon drawn?
The spearmen, meanwhile, did their best to circle around and pin Hanako down. One got close enough to thrust his spear at Hanako; she grabbed it and used it as leverage to launch a hook kick at Suzune’s head.
Suzune blocked, but she was shocked at the force of the kick; it might have even cracked one of the bones in her forearm. She made a point to pay attention when Hanako pulled the spearman in and delivered a palm strike to his chin. Whereas every other oni Suzune had encountered just let their rage run rampant in battle, this swordswoman channeled it somehow. She unleashed it only at the moment of impact. Through her own haze of battle-lust, Suzune wondered if she’d be able to do the same thing.
Mostly, though, Suzune was simply ecstatic to have such a worthy foe. She swung her club backhanded and to try to knock Hanako’s head from her shoulders, but the swordswoman ducked underneath it and jabbed her in the ribs. One or two probably cracked, but the pain just made Suzune laugh even harder.
The last couple spearmen finally navigated through the fallen trees well enough to lunge at Hanako. However, she stepped to the right, blocked the spear coming form that direction, and grabbed that spearman and hurled him into the other.
Suzune took a half-step back, picked up one of the trees, and threw it at Hanako. Hanako ducked around again, and was about to attack when something above the treeline caught her attention.
Suzune turned to see what was going on. A column of smoke drifted up on the horizon, right about where the village should be. She turned back to face Hanako, but she only had a split second to watch as Hanako’s expression morphed from horror to pure, unbridled rage. Then something heavy impacted Suzune’s chest, and she went flying. By the time her back struck a tree, almost 100 meters away, Hanako had already leapt into the air toward the village. The force of the jump was so strong it cracked the earth and formed a crater.
As the battle-lust faded and her consciousness began to drift in and out, Suzune wondered, “Just what have we unleashed?” Then she sank into darkness.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
8 October 2022
When he charged her, Hanako let her fury out. Her hair turned white; her skin, crimson, her eyes, black. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. She caught his blade in her bare hand and crushed it at the hilt.
The captain looked into her black eyes, and for once Hanako truly glared at him. His face turned sheet white. “You monster!”
“Maybe.” Hanako sighed and breathed in, letting her anger fade and her color return to normal. “But if I’m the monster, why are you the one they’re afraid of?”
Writing this felt good. It felt like I’d wrapped up the major story beat, ended the scene that started with the innkeeper, or even earlier with my first draft of it.
The choreography was fun to figure out. I used graph paper and drew up a map of the square, including the three carriages, to help plan out how the fight went. I actually hadn’t considered the way Hanako used the chaos the horses caused to her advantage until I drew that out. It helped me recognize what was available in her environment. I modified D&D rules for action economy and movement speed to give myself an idea of what happens, which I think works well enough for something like this. I don’t worry about attack or damage, though; whether an attack hits or misses and what kind of damage results from that is based on the needs of the plot, so I skip over that.
One of the things I’ve come to learn recently is that one principle to writing good action sequences comes down to knowing what options are available to each “actor” in a scene at any given time, and based on that figuring out what they would do given the situation. I say “actor” because some things might change or affect the battle despite being intangible (earthquakes, falling debris, dynamic environmental hazards, etc.).
As Hanako approached the square, she counted maybe half a dozen of the shogun’s soldiers loading their spoils onto wagons. Across the square, their captain spoke with the village elder; the elder’s face was sour, but from the smug look on the captain’s face, there wasn’t anything he could do.
As she got closer, she noticed several women bunched together in the back of the third wagon. Her rage flared, demanding to let loose, and if it hadn’t been for her master’s training, she would have descended on the soldiers in a storm of steel.
Instead, she dashed forward, knocking out the first guard with her sheathed katana before anyone could react. She unsheathed it just long enough to cut the horses free of the nearest wagon. On top of that, she released a pulse of anger strong enough to spook all the horses, even at the other wagons.
Once the captain saw her, his eyes narrowed. He turned on the village elder and drew his sword. “So you’re working with them.”
The elder desperately shook his head. “No! We would never!”
Once she saw this, Hanako growled and rushed for the captain. As she rushed past, one soldier made a swing at her, but she deflected with her sheathe and dove in front of the old man.
The captain swung his sword, and a loud pa-ching echoed through the square. A moment later, the captain’s sword clattered to the ground a few feet away.
Hanako smiled fearlessly up at the captain. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve got nothing to do with these folks; I was just passing through.”
Two of the other soldiers charged at her while the rest fought to get the horses under control. She tilted her head to avoid the first one’s thrust, while the second tried to sweep at her from below. She stomped on the sword and shattered it, but they’d given the captain time to retreat and pick up his own weapon.
The captain shouted, “Leave the horses! Focus on the oni girl!”
The other three tried to follow his command. However, one had gotten too close to the back of the rear wagon, and one of the woman grabbed a pan from among the stolen loot and swung it at his head. It bashed into his helmet and sent him reeling, while the clang spooked the horses even worse. The horses at their wagon tore free, bowling two other soldiers over, and followed the horses Hanako had cut loose out of the square.
In the meantime, Hanako had resheathed her sword and easily disarmed her other opponent. She knocked him out, along with the soldier whose sword she’d smashed earlier, which left her alone with the captain for the moment.
The captain looked at her sheathed katana and fumed. “Why do you not draw your weapon?”
Hanako shrugged. “I don’t think I need it.” She was trying not to kill people, after all. At least for now.
Given the way the captain’s glare intensified, though, he probably didn’t take it that way. That was fine. If Hanako was honest with herself, she was still pretty furious, too.
When he charged her, Hanako let some of that fury out, as she thought about the women who would be kidnapped and the things she’d seen in other towns. Her hair turned white; her skin, crimson, her eyes, black. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
If she had wanted to, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for Hanako to kill this guy. Smash his face hin, draw her sword and cut him to ribbons, grab him and launch him a hundred feet into the air. She almost did it, too. But she stopped herself in time, and instead she just caught his blade in her bare hand and crushed it at the hilt.
The captain looked into her black eyes, and for once Hanako truly glared at him. His face turned sheet white. “You monster!”
“Maybe.” Hanako sighed and breathed in, letting her anger fade and her color return to normal. “But if I’m the monster, why are you the one they’re afraid of?”
The captain looked around, noticing the eyes of the villages peeking out from doorways or windows. His eyes finally rested on the women who were to be taken away, all of whom glared at him, not the oni beside him.
He turned toward Hanako. She looked at something, off in the distance, with a sad smile. Softly, she told him, “If you’re serious about trying to protect people from monsters, captain, maybe start with the ones in your own army?”
Without anything he could say, he signaled his men and they left, taking their wounded with them and leaving the wagons.
Hanako only got a few minutes rest, seated on the ground against the wall, when the village elder marched up to her. “Do you know what you have done!?”
She hadn’t been expecting that. Her rage flared, but Hanako was able to keep a lid on it. Still, she was worried how this was going to go.
When she didn’t say anything, the elder sucked in breath to continue; however, one of the women from the wagon stepped between them. “She saved us if nothing else, Benjiro. Which is more than I can say for you.”
“And in the process, she’s doomed us all! Do you think the shogun and his men will just let this stand? On top of that, now they think we’ve allied with the youkai!”
“So, what? Just give everything up, sacrifice us, just to keep the peace?”
“If that’s what it takes to save the village!”
The women was prepared to keep arguing, but Hanako reached up and grabbed her hand. For a long moment, no one spoke. Then Hanako softly asked, “Say, oji-san. Have you visited Wakayama recently?”
Confusion painted over the old man’s features. “No, not recently. Why?”
“What about Gifu? Makuhari?”
The elder shook his head.
“I have. They did just what you said; gave the army whatever they wanted, and did their best to keep their heads down.” She finally looked up at him. “In Gifu they’re boiling leather for food. Anything the army hadn’t taken, they’d trampled on the way out. Wakayama didn’t even have that much; there were children starving to death in the streets when I passed by.” She turned and gave the elder a weary smile. “Say, oji-san. When you said you want to save the village, is that what you had in mind?”
The old man was silent.
Hanako heaved herself off the ground and forced a bright smile on her face. “It’ll be alright, though! I’ll do everything I can to keep you all safe.” She scratched her cheek and added, “I mean, you have a point. I did attack them, and rope you guys into this mess. So, I’ll help out with that.”
And with that, she headed back deeper into town, leaving the elder and everyone else to mull over what she’d said.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)