3 January 2023
A lot of this was basically a result of figuring out who the rest of Nick’s family were, and wanting to show that off and how that impacted his head. In retrospect, the way I approached it and handled Elsenaia’s side of that feels somewhat insensitive to people who aren’t blessed with that kind of family… I’ll need to think of a better way to handle this in the future.
I’m also dissatisfied with the ending bit about loneliness. Sure, everyone has lonely moments. And if Nick’s were poignant enough to resonate with Elsie, that’s great. I don’t know that I believe that. It feels too much like someone who has a lot complaining about the little bit they’re missing. If it helps, Nick is the oldest, and as his siblings move on with their life he’s feeling a bit left behind, but A) that’s still a relatively small thing, I think, and B) I didn’t communicate that well enough regardless. Progress to be made.
As I passed yet another diorama of Elsenaia’s family, complete with her faceless self, I wondered just what her family life must be like. How sad must it be for “family” to mean loneliness and cold contempt?
Apparently, my musings affected what Elsenaia could see, because within my head I heard her gasp. Soon, instead of D&D sessions with my friends or bits of elf-centric anime, I began remembering times with my family. That time when Adam introduced us to Robin before they got married, and we played Apples to Apples. Or the time my sister Danielle actually won when we played Risk one day, and how ecstatic that made her. Some of the times Jake and I argued over the specific meanings of one word or another, or when Mom got after Jake and Danielle for sparring in the kitchen.
Not all the memories were happy–we had our fair share of troubles and arguments, too–but each one had a warmth I could tell Elsenaia craved. “Do humans really live like this?”
The question seemed odd, to me. “Every family’s different. Some are like yours; cold and distant from each other, too concerned about pride to care about love. A lot are way worse; there are whole portions of our local governments dedicated to dealing with abuse and shattered homes. But yeah, this is real.” I mused for a moment, then added, “I wouldn’t be surprised if many of your own people had families like this. What was Tairsi’s family like?”
Eenaia had no response. The palace around me shifted, somehow, as Esenaia tried to withdraw, close herself off. Even so, I could still feel how raw and pained she felt. Lonely. Even with my upbringing, I could relate to that, in a way.
The image in my head shifted as I remembered Danielle’s wedding. Henry’s a great guy, and he and Danielle make a great couple, don’t get me wrong. But… still. I wanted to meet someone for myself, too.
When she noticed that, Elsenaia’s shell opened up a little. I was reminded of a scene in RWBY, where Weiss is talking with Blake. It’s the line, “You’re right; I don’t know loneliness like you do. I have my own version.”