DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
12 August 2023
The black oni by the wagon never had a chance to sense Hanako before his head fell off his shoulders. Five more oni died before the rest even recognized something was wrong. The others tried to surround her and kill her, but none were able to get within an arm's length of her and live.
Then the world turned white, and all she could feel was pain.
Here is part 1 of Hanako’s battle for Nanmoku. Ironically, right after I wrote this—either that same day, or early on the very next—I choreographed the rest of the fight via graph paper, and then proceeded to sit on it for a month. Part of that was getting distracted by other things; there are a lot of amazing stories out there, even among more amateur writing communities like Royal Road. But I think I was a bit intimidated by the following scenes, too. Still, I got it, and they’re written now. Just have to write the aftermath…
Ah, also, about this point is when I started pinning down what the different kinds of oni are capable of; red oni are berserkers, blue are tacticians with an element of “drunken fist”, black (which I call ebony from here on out, to at least try to avoid unfortunate implications) are especially durable, and white/ivory have lightning powers. Still working on yellow.
As the sun sank below the horizon the next day, Hanako could hear the roars of angry oni, and could see the bolts of lightning falling on one location again and again. Even as a grim feeling settled in the pit of her stomach–she was too late to save the town–she also felt a bit of hope. If the oni were still fighting, then there was still someone to save.
That lightning would be a problem, though. Hanako had never had to fight an ivory-skinned oni before, and she didn’t exactly relish the thought. Ah well. One thing at a time.
Then Hanako broke out of the tress, and to her amazement, Nanmoku still stood whole and intact. It was surrounded by a shield of blue energy, which not one but two ushi-oni beat on, and was the reason the ivory oni was calling down lightning without stopping.
Roughly thirty other oni milled about outside, without any sense of order or organization. Most of the red ones, enraged at being denied their hunt, beat on the shield alongside the ushi-oni, while the blue and black ones held back and watched impatiently. One headed over to a row of caged wagons Hanako had missed, and with a start she realized that’s where the last survivors of Tsurui must be.
Memories of what she’d seen in that town washed over her, and the monster inside her roared. This time, though, she welcomed it. Channeled it. There was no need to hold back against monsters such as these.
The black oni by the wagon never had a chance to sense Hanako before his head fell off his shoulders. Five more oni died before the rest even recognized something was wrong. The others tried to surround her and kill her, but none were able to get within an arm's length of her and live.
Then the world turned white, and all she could feel was pain.
6 May 2023
Cautiously, Hanako stepped in and immediately wrinkled her nose. The smell of urine and other foul scents permeated the place; had the yokai army saved it as an outhouse? But no; Hanako found manacles, and then began seeing other traces that prisoners had been kept here. This must be where they stuffed everyone they hadn’t eaten during that initial feast.
Not that it stopped some of them from sneaking a snack before they left. In the corner, Hanako found a skeleton, with bones far too small to belong to an adult. Her blood froze, then started to boil. With tears in her eyes, she screamed, with such force it could be heard for miles.
This feels like the first real introduction to the second major antagonist group; the yokai army. They feel a lot trickier to work with; I want to stay true to original Japanese legends, but also leave room for Hanako’s middle ground. Regardless, I wanted the yokai army to be positively brutal, and I think I achieved that here.
Also, we’re finally going to meet Mei. :) She is a very fascinating character; I’m not 100% sure what all I’m going to do with her yet, but it’s going to be fun.
It took a couple of days for the three of them to reach what was left of Tsurui. The smell of char hit them before they could properly see it, but it wasn’t long before they stood in the midst of the desolated village.
Many of the houses had burned down, and those that hadn’t had been smashed apart, as if a giant child had decided he was done playing and knocked everything over. The worst of it, though, was in the village square. A pile of bones lay smoldering. As soon as they found it, Daiki, the younger of the two workers, immediately turned and hurled onto the street.
Fumito looked a bit green, himself. “They just… burned everyone alive? Why?”
Pushing down her own nausea, Hanako approached the pile. With her sword, she poked among the bones. Many still showed teeth marks; some were even cracked to get at the marrow. She managed to cough out, “They… they weren’t burned alive. This was what the yokai did with the ones they’d finished eating.”
Fumito’s eyes went wide, and soon he was spewing out the contents of his stomach next to Daiki. Hanako closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe, then turned away from the pile to see if there was anything she could learn about the monsters that had done this.
She noticed one house at the edge of the village that seemed somewhat better intact than the rest; instead of being caved in, it was only the windows and the door that had been smashed open. It seemed the ushi-oni had spared this one for whatever reason.
Cautiously, Hanako stepped in and immediately wrinkled her nose. The smell of urine and other foul scents permeated the place; had the yokai army saved it as an outhouse? But no; Hanako found manacles, and then began seeing other traces that prisoners had been kept here. This must be where they stuffed everyone they hadn’t eaten during that initial feast.
Not that it stopped some of them from sneaking a snack before they left. In the corner, Hanako found a skeleton, with bones far too small to belong to an adult. Her blood froze, then started to boil. With tears in her eyes, she screamed, with such force it [could be heard for miles around].
Daiki and Fumito came running over. Hanako gathered her composure. “I’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.” She paused and heaved a breath. “We should go. There’s nothing more we can learn here, and the sooner we catch up to them, the better.”
As they left, however, a woman’s voice called after them, “H-hello? Is someone there?”
Hanako spun on the spot, hand reaching for her sword, only to find an exceptionally beautiful young woman running toward them. Her hair was black and tied back in a braid, and her clothes, while filthy, seemed to have once been of high quality.
27 April 2023 Notes
Alright, so I was typing in Hanako stuff today. (See here for what I was typing in at the time.) Where do I go from here? What happens to connect the father bit to Chiaki?
Keep the father bit short. (What is his name? This’d be a good place for him to naturally introduce himself…) The point is info on yokai–what would he know?
- -Mostly oni
-2 massive, bestial ushi-oni
I don’t need to showcase everything with this company; it’s a small splinter off the main army, after all. Who’s their commander, though? Would the father know/recognize them? How early into the attack did he and his daughter get out? Probably pretty early, since they made it that far before they got caught.
Are there ranks for oni? They have variance; how does that play into their battle formations? The twin sets fight in pairs; bigger/stronger ones might order whole gangs. They thrive on chaos… Hmm.
Does the father comment on everyone else? ANything I can think of for him to say on the subject sounds forced or unnatural, especially since he’s only just arrived, and they’re giving him a place to live and food to eat. …That’s it! He doesn’t but it does push him to more directly express his gratitude, since that’s all he can do for her.
…Why didn’t she quiz him about the yokai army back in the oni scouts scene? …He was obviously still scared of her then, and if she thought she could find out more clues in the area–or had already agreed to check in with Keiko–that would be enough.
13 April 2023
Hanako knelt before the shrine and offered a prayer. “Please, let me protect them this time. Help me keep the town safe.”
When she stood, she noticed a miko she’d somehow missed on the way in standing a ways away. She was two to three inches taller than Hanako, and her warm brown hair was tied in a long braid down her back. Their eyes met, and the miko took a step toward Hanako. “Ah, pardon me. Is this your first time here? I don’t think I recognize you.”
“No, I’m new in town,” Hanako replied, with a shake of her head. She offered her hand. “My name’s Hanako.”
The miko clasped Hanako’s hand with both of hers. “Welcome! It’s a pleasure to meet you. You can call me Mikuzume.”
I decided to go ahead and move the encounter with Mikuzune to Nanmoku, and tried to figure out ways for Keiko and the other villagers to show support. Honestly, this whole bit feels pretty rough, still. I kinda want to expand on the two builders, let them become characters in their own right, but I’m not sure what they could contribute. If I do, I’d likely expand the trip a bit to include some of the banter or discussions they have enroute.
Really, this felt like a very gardener-style chapter, even more than usual, referring to the different ways authors craft stories (pulled from Brandon Sanderson in one of his online lectures, I think). I was going to have them all go straight to Nanmoku, but then imagining her discussion with the elder, and considering her personality some more, she really would go scope things out first. No idea what happens there, either; kind of want to know what I want her to be dealing with at the end of the arc before I start trying to foreshadow it.
Keiko met Hanako on her way out of town, along with two of the men from the construction crews, Daiki and Fumito. “You’re headed to Nanmoku, right?” she said, before Hanako could even ask what was going on. “Take these two with you. I can’t spare anyone else, not with winter coming, but if you get there early enough to make some preparations, these two will be able to help the town set up defenses.”
Hanako’s eyes widened a bit. She hadn’t thought of that. She nodded, and the trio headed out to warn Nanmoku.
The trip was mostly uneventful; it was only two to three days from where the Chizu residents were trying to rebuild. About half a day outside of Nanmoku, Hanako separated from the two workers.
“Warn them about what’s coming,” she said. “I’m going to try to scout around and pinpoint exactly where this yokai army is at.”
[Insert first encounters/glimpses of yokai army and return trip here]
Nanmoku was bigger than Hanako had expected. Nicer, too; the whole place had a clean feeling, despite the number of people that must live here.
The town’s most notable feature, though, had to be the shrine at the top of the mountain. Hanako herself wasn’t particularly religious; she would occasionally make offerings to her ancestors, including Master, but that was about it. Still, something about the place drew her.
The shrine itself was clearly well-cared for. It was swept clean, and everything seemed bright and freshly painted. Hanako entered and slowly made her way to the shrine itself. Awed by the general atmosphere of the place, she knelt before it and offered a prayer. “Please, let me protect them this time. Help me keep the town safe.”
When she stood, she noticed a miko she’d somehow missed on the way in standing a ways away. She was two to three inches taller than Hanako, and her warm brown hair was tied in a long braid down her back. Their eyes met, and the miko took a step toward Hanako. “Ah, pardon me. Is this your first time here? I don’t think I recognize you.”
“No, I’m new in town,” Hanako replied, with a shake of her head. She offered her hand. “My name’s Hanako.”
The miko clasped Hanako’s hand with both of hers. “Welcome! It’s a pleasure to meet you. You can call me Mikuzume.”
Hanako found a smile slipping onto her face. She asked, “By chance, could you tell me where I could find the village elder? I have some important news to give him.”
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
19 December 2022
Before she could finish him off, the yellow one released a burst of pressure. “Do you think a lowly red oni like you could do anything to me?”
Hanako cocked her head. “Ne, oji-san. Was that supposed to be scary? Shouldn’t it be more like this?”
And with that, she released all the pressure, all the anger she felt, both from the threat they posed to the Chizu refugees and for this family who’d lost everything. Red stopped in his tracks and began cowering away from her, and both Yellow and Blue fell back on their butts, horrified.
The final part of her encounter with the oni scouts. I’m honestly not sure on a lot of things with this scene (both the previous part and this one); is Shuten-doji the Youkai King? If so, is he this one or the last one? I’ve been researching Japanese mythology, yokai in particular, to prepare for this story and its various pieces, but I’m on the fence on what to use and how to use it. I don’t want to disrespect the established legends, for one thing. There’s also the fact that Hanako’s story does not take place in Japan, at least the way it’s written now, and I worry that using established figures like Shuten-doji or Tamamo no Mae will make people think it does. I’m definitely drawing heavily there for inspiration, after all…
I’d say the only solutions I can come up with are to make it explicit somehow this isn’t Japan, or to spend time in Japan, do a lot of research, and change place and people’s names to reflect Japan itself. Right now, I don’t think it’s a big deal, where I’m not official publishing this or anything, but it’s something I want to keep in mind.
“Don’t worry about it.” He stroked his chin. “Y’know, all this talk’s got me craving some now.” He gestured to Red. “Grab the bigger one; we’ll save the small one for last. She’ll be the most tender.”
Red glowered at Yellow and grumbled, but he walked over to grab the father. Hanako considered herself lucky she’d gotten as much information out of them as she had. When Red walked past her, she stood and drew her sword. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”
Blue and Yellow exclaimed in surprise and reached for their weapons, but she’d already stabbed Red through the chest before any of the three could react.
Red roared as Hanako pulled her sword free, and she could feel the waves of anger pulsing off of him. He charged her, hands outstretched, but she danced to the side and lopped off his arm as casually as a noble woman might wave her fan.
Blue swung his own kanabo at her, and did his best to stay out of range of her sword, but she dodged and jumped inside his reach. SHe drove her knee into his groin and used the pommel of her sword to bash him in the head, dazing him.
Before she could finish him off, the yellow one released a burst of pressure, though it was barely enough to catch her attention. “You’re good, I’ll give you that,” he sneered. “But do you think a lowly red oni like you could do anything to me?”
Hanako cocked her head. “Ne, oji-san. Was that supposed to be scary?”
Both Yellow and Blue froze. Red had turned and roared at her, and was about to rush in when she said, “Shouldn’t it be more like this?”
And with that, she released all the pressure, all the anger she felt, both from the threat they posed to the Chizu refugees and for this family who’d lost everything. Red stopped in his tracks and began cowering away from her, and both Yellow and Blue fell back on their butts.
Yellow tried in vain to scooch away from her as she slowly walked towards him. “But…how? How?”
Hanako thought for a moment. Then she shrugged. “Practice? Or else it’s because I’ve got something to protect.” She raised her sword and cleaved his head from his body.
Before the body even hit the ground, though, Blue’s voice yelled from behind her, “Drop your sword!”
Hanako spun around, and found him holding the girl by the neck in front of him. His eyes were desperate, as if they’d seen a monster. Hanako found that ironic on a number of levels. He repeated, “Give us your sword, or she dies!”
It only took a moment for Hanako to decide what to do. A small smile played at her lips. “Alright, then. Catch.” She sheathed her sword and tossed it to Blue. His eyes left her for a moment, and Hanako took the chance to dart in. As he caught her sword with his free hand, she drove her fist into his solar plexus, and when he doubled over, she twisted his head and broke his neck.
She retrieved her sword and faced the final oni left. “So what are you going to do, big guy?”
Red looked from Yellow’s corpse to Blue’s body, then up at Hanako, who’s innocent smile didn’t match the hardness in her gaze. He backed away a couple steps, then turned and ran off into the forest.
Hanako turned to the two captives, who looked up at her in fear. She sighed, then removed their gags and began to untie them.
“Who… Who are you?” the father asked.
“Just a wandering swordswoman.” Hanako finished up and stepped back. “There’s a group of refugees about two hours’ walk north of here. Follow this road to the river, then turn right and follow that up. Ask for a woman named Keiko; she’s running things right now.” She turned to leave. “Tell her Hanako sent you.”
She turned to leave, when the father asked, “How can we trust you?”
Hanako looked back at the two oni she’d just killed. Her eyes met the father’s. “If that’s not proof enough, I don’t know what would be. The choice is yours, though.”
And without another word, Hanako left.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
17 December 2022
Hanako found a trio of large, male oni, each a different color but all around eight feet tall, gathered around a fire. Some creature–it looked to be the remains of a horse–turned on a spit above it.
Off to the side, a father and daughter were trussed up, quivering in fear. The girl couldn’t have been more than ten years old. The ruins of a wagon rested on the other side of the fire, its contents strewn about, either broken or devoured. A bit of bile rose into Hanako’s throat, and she desperately hoped the mother of the family hadn’t been traveling with them.
This is the first time we’ve seen Hanako interact with any other yokai, and I kind of wanted to show that she’s caught between worlds. This isn’t the best scene for it; I plan to add another scene, maybe set before the Chizu village arc, where she actually finds a yokai settlement (maybe predominantly oni, maybe not), and show how wary they are of her. Still, I hope I captured a bit of that feeling here…
When Hanako noticed the tracks leading off the road, she wasn’t sure if it was instinct, caution, or curiosity that compelled her to follow them. Whatever it was, she was grateful.
At the other end of them, she found a trio of large, male oni, each a different color but all around eight feet tall, gathered around a fire. Some creature–it looked to be the remains of a horse–turned on a spit above it.
Off to the side, a father and daughter were trussed up, quivering in fear. The girl couldn’t have been more than ten years old. The ruins of a wagon rested on the other side of the fire, its contents strewn about, either broken or devoured. A bit of bile rose into Hanako’s throat, and she desperately hoped the mother of the family hadn’t been traveling with them.
Hanako took a moment to consider how she wanted to approach this. Then she put away the charm she got from the old merchant and walked out into the clearing. “Hiya! What’s cooking?”
The oni stopped their conversation to look at her. The red one even got up and reached for his kanabo. All of them, including Hanako, ignored the muffled screams of the father and daughter when they saw her.
The blue one glared at her. “And who are you?”
Hanako beamed at him and held out her hand. “Hanako! Nice to meet you.”
After an awkward moment, the blue on sneered and spat off to the side. “You reek of human.”
There it was again. What did that even mean? Hanako had spent so much time around humans she couldn’t tell. “Occupational hazard, I suppose?”
The third–the largest of the three, with a yellowish tint to his skin–studied Hanako carefully. “Y’know, rumor’s goin’ ‘round about the shogun’s pet oni. You hear anythin’ about that?”
“Oh, her. “ Hanako’s face soured. “Yeah, I ran into her once. Big, blue woman. Seemed like bad news.”
The yellow one seemed satisfied with her answer. “Got fresh-cooked horse for now. But if you’re patient, well…” He flashed a cruel smile at the father and daughter. “We’ve got a real delicacy comin’ later.”
Hanako plopped herself down next to Blue, across the fire from where Yellow reclined. “Huh. I thought what’s-his-bucket had strict rules about eating humans.”
Blue looked over at the red one. “Sit down, already!” He smiled at Hanako. “That’s old news. After the shogun started his campaign, Shuten-doji deposed the old man as the Yokai King, and eliminated all those laws. Only for his army, of course. Gotta incentivise people somehow.”
“Oh-ho. So you three are all in the new King’s army, then? What are you doing out here?”
Red spoke up for the first time. “We scout. Shogun’s men near here, burned village.” His smile turned ferocious. “If lucky, we eat survivors.”
The beast inside pushed against Hanako’s ribcage. That was Keiko, Chiaki, and the others he was talking about. But she held it back for the time being and pretended to look thoughtful. “Sounds tempting. How would I join? The main army nearby?”
Yellow snorted. “The big armies are up north; better to avoid that, I say. No, you wanna join, head southeast toward Nanmoku. Our company’s going to hit there next.”
Hanako beamed at him. “Thanks for the info.”
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)