DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
10 December 2022
He looked up and met her eyes. “If you lack even the strength to defeat one oni, then what good are you?”
It felt like the floor fell out from underneath Suzune. She wanted to protest, remind him that Hanako was no ordinary oni, of all the things Ito had said earlier. But the words wouldn’t come out. At the end of the day, he was right, wasn’t he? She’d lost.
I felt pretty proud of this scene. This is where the shogun’s true nature as a gaslighter really comes out to the front. One of the revisions I’m considering is cut out the bit with Nakamura and the hearing, and just have him bring it up after the fact in this scene. I’d want to show Nakamura fleeing Chizu village more expicitly during that battle if I do that, though.
As always, they were lavish, from the vibrant colors of the rugs on the floor to the silk-covered pillows for guest to sit on. Suzune moved to prepare tea, and soon the scent filled the room, from the finest tea money could buy.
She used extreme caution as she placed the tea cups and poured from her father. From past experience, she knew the cups were incredibly fragile, at least in her hands, and even more expensive.
“Sit.” Father nodded across the table from where he sat.
Suzune’s blood chilled from the tone in his voice, and the joy she’d had on receiving the promotion to major evaporated. She kneeled on the cushion, placed her hands in her lap, and patiently waited for Father to begin speaking.
He finished his cup and gently set it on the table. “So. You were defeated. By a single oni, no less.”
Suzune’s heart curled in on itself, though she did her best to keep her expression neutral. “Yes Father.”
He looked up and met her eyes. “If you lack even the strength to defeat one oni, then what good are you?”
It felt like the floor fell out from underneath Suzune. She wanted to protest, remind him that Hanako was no ordinary oni, of all the things Ito had said earlier. But the words wouldn’t come out. At the end of the day, he was right, wasn’t he? She’d lost, and hundreds of her fellow soldiers had died for it.
The shogun stood, and began to walk slowly around the table. As he moved behind Suzune, he said, “Not only did this defeat cost us many good officers and soldiers, every loss leads to doubt. And doubt is unacceptable. Did you not hear Nakamura? The very fact you lost caused him to question your loyalty, and the honor of my line. I suspect it’s also related to Major Ito’s sudden leave of absence, don’t you think?”
If she could have, Suzune would have vanished into nothing. “Yes, Father.”
He moved back around in front of her. “I took you in as a child, despite the fact you are an oni. That is all anyone else will ever see. If you want them to accept you, such failures will not be permitted. Do you understand?”
Suzune nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to look up and meet his eyes.
“Fortunately, you have a chance to rectify this.” He sighed and sat down, and out of the corner of her eye Suzune was surprised to see him smile at her. “In spite of your failure in combat, your strategic thinking was excellent. You did achieve the goal in battle to remove a village of foul yokai sympathizers, and rescued many other soldiers, besides. This promotion will give you a chance to further prove your worth.”
Like someone finally seeing a light after weeks of darkness, Suzune clung to the hope the shogun dangled before her. “What would you have me do, Father?”
“Polish your mind. Use that strategic brilliance to gain advantage over the yokai army. And if you ever face that oni in battle again, do whatever it takes to kill her. Especially if she was trained by the traitorous swordmaster.”
She rose and saluted. “The will of the shogun be done, Father!”
He nodded. “That will be all.”
Suzune bowed and turned to leave. Then she thought of what Captain Takamoto had reported on Hanako’s description of the army, and the way Hanako herself had been so desperate to protect the village. That didn’t sound like the oni Father often described, or even the ones Suzune had met and killed in battle. She paused in the doorway, and almost asked Father about it. But something held her back. In the end, she just left.
She was probably mistaken, anyway. She was just an oni, after all; better to leave things like that to Father.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
6 December 2022
“Second, concerning his allegations of treachery.” Captain Ito paused, and turned to stare into the crowd. “You all know me. My hatred for oni is well known, and I would have been eager for any excuse to remove Lt. Suzune from the army. And even so, I will say such a thing is impossible.”
He turned to the shogun. “Even ignoring every effort she has made to honor your name and family, my lord, I witnessed her fight with the oni swordswoman first-hand. The lieutenant ended that battle with a broken arm and over half her ribs cracked. Even so, she led the rescue efforts for the rest of the ambush force, lifting trees and things like that, and then rushed to rendezvous with the general’s army. We would have lost half again as many men were it not for her quick responses.”
I’ve come to appreciate Ito a lot more. He was kind of a throw away character at first; someone who was supposed to be among Suzune’s multitude of haters. Kind of balance Nakamura’s chauvinistic side with more generic straight racism, I guess? Anyway, he took on a life of his own, which means at some point I’ll have to go back and tweak his introduction to fit his true self better. I really look forward to his character arc.
One concern I have with this scene is how well I handle the shogun and his reactions. I want him to set off warning bells in people’s minds about how he handles/interacts with Suzune, but at the same time, this is not a situation where he can write her off like I’d initially planned. I do have a dinner conversation for the next scene that helps establish their relationship better, but if this scene’s the readers’ first introduction to him, I want everything set up correctly… Unless I skip straight to the dinner, tweak it so he’d already taken care of Nakamura? That could work…
Then Captain Ito stood and saluted. “Permission to speak, my lord?”
“Granted.”
“Concerning the plan Lt. Suzune presented. She offered it in a meeting of all the officers under the general, and the general himself approved it. Nakamura himself was present at this meeting, and no one spoke against the plan itself. If the issue is truly a matter of incompetence, then Lt. Nakamura’s words condemn all of us present, and most especially the general.
“What’s more, it could be said we succeeded in the plan, though the cost was far higher than predicted. Chizu has burned to the ground; I verified that with my own eyes. Nakamura himself should have known this, if he was still present on the battlefield until the end.
“Second, concerning his allegations of treachery.” He paused, and turned to stare into the crowd. “You all know me. My hatred for oni is well known, and I would have been eager for any excuse to remove Lt. Suzune from the army. And even so, I will say such a thing is impossible.”
He turned to the shogun. “Even ignoring every effort she has made to honor your name and family, my lord, I witnessed her fight with the oni swordswoman first-hand. The lieutenant ended that battle with a broken arm and over half her ribs cracked. Even so, she led the rescue efforts for the rest of the ambush force, lifting trees and things like that, and then rushed to rendezvous with the general’s army. We would have lost half again as many men were it not for her quick responses.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Curiously, Lt. Nakamura was not with what remained of the army at Chizu. Perhaps he had already fled.”
The shogun turned to Suzune, and Suzune quailed under his disapproving stare. “A single oni did this much damage to you?”
“Y-yes, Father.” Suzune dropped her gaze to the ground.
Next to her, Ito spoke up again. “If I may, my lord. The way this oni swordswoman fought seemed familiar. If I hadn’t known better, I would have believed it was Swordmaster Kojima himself.”
“I see.” The shogun stared at Suzune a moment longer, before he leaned back and turned to Nakamura. “Have you anything more you wish to say in your defense?”
Nakamura, whose expression had grown more and more sour as Ito talked, was taken aback. “My defense, my lord?”
“You have shamed your superior officer, the general, and cast aspersions on my own family, even if she is just an oni. What’s more, there is a great deal of evidence, beyond even what Captain Ito has just presented, of your cowardly flight from Chizu. Have you anything you wish to add?”
Nakamura’s face paled, and he opened and closed his mouth like a dying fish. “Once it was clear he had nothing to say, the shogun rose from his throne and proclaimed, “Then I strip you of all rank, station, and possessions, and exile you from the shogunate. Let all witness and accomplish it.”
Two of the shogun’s guards marched forward and grabbed Nakamura by each shoulder. He began to protest, but all in the room ignored his cries as he was escorted out.
Once the throne room was silent once more, the shogun announced, “In light of their valor in the battle of Chizu, and considering the loss of so many stalwart officers, I promote both Captain Ito and Lieutenant Suzune to the rank of Major. Let all witness and receive it.”
Suzune’s eyes went wide. She had to hold back her tears as she saluted her father and bowed as low as possible.
Ito, however, seemed more reserved as he bowed. “Thank you for this honor, my lord. But may I request a leave of absence? There is much on my mind after this battle I must consider.”
“If there is something troubling you, we would hear it, that we may know how best to assist you.”
Ito shook his head. “It is only a small thing, my lord, concerning a personal matter. It is not worth troubling our great lord over.”
For a long time the shogun didn’t respond. “How long do you plan for this absence?”
“At least a week, my lord. But no longer than two months.”
“Very well. May your mind be refreshed upon your return.” The shogun clapped and siad, “I will retire to my chambers. Suzune, attend me.”
“Yes, Father.”
As the councilors and officers began filtering out of the room, Suzune followed her father to his private quarters.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
5 December 2022
“…I can only conclude that either Lt. Suzune is incompetent, or she was in collusion with the oni to eliminate key officers in your army, and thus secure a promotion.”
Suzune trembled in rage. How could Nakamura tell such blatant lies to her father when she stood right there? All she needed was an excuse, and she’d end him then and there.
Then Father turned and looked at her. And all that anger evaporated into a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Did Father believe him?
The next part of Suzune’s report/confrontation with her father. The whole scene was surprisingly hard to write; maybe it’s just the mood I’ve been in lately? I went back a bit to revise how I introduced Nakamura, and then mostly, it was just struggling to figure out what arguments he, Suzune, and Ito would all use, and in what order.
They entered the room, and Suzune was shocked to see Lieutenant Nakamura kneeling before Father. It was all she could do to keep her face impassive. So Nakamura was a coward. The only way he could be here was if he’d fled from the battle at the village and abandoned the general and Captain Takamoto.
Suzune walked up beside him and kneeled before the shogun. “You requested to see me, Father?”
“Indeed. I have some questions concerning the battle at Chizu village.” He turned to Nakamura. “Recount what you told me one more time, lieutenant.”
“Sir!” Nakamura glanced sidewise and sneered at Suzune before he stood and saluted the shogun. “It pains me to tell you this, my lord, but I suspect treachery from Lieutenant Suzune.”
At that, there was a collective gasp from the councilors and officers in the room, and Suzune’s heart roared. Her fingers twitched, eager to remove Nakamura’s head from his body for even suggesting such an impossibility. She managed to restrain herself; she’d tried hard to prove to the shogunate–and her father in particular–that she was more than some barbaric oni.
Once the hubbub quieted down, Nakamura continued. “The night before the battle, Lt. Suzune herself outlined the plan to eliminate an oni warrior and the village sheltering it. As part of this plan, she would lure the enemy oni away and subdue it, while the general and the bulk of the army fell upon the village and razed it to the ground.”
“Go on.” The shogun’s face was impassive. Even Suzune couldn’t tell what he was thinking. A small nugget of doubt began to worm its way into Suzune’s heart.
“The plan proceeded as normal; Suzune’s group attracted the oni, and I, along with the general and the rest of the army, attacked Chizu. However it was only moments later when the oni fell upon our rear in full battle-frenzy. The general, along with Captain Takamoto and many other officers, fell to the unexpected onslaught. I can only conclude that either Lt. Suzune is incompetent, or she was in collusion with the oni to eliminate key officers in your army, and thus secure a promotion.”
Suzune trembled in rage. How could Nakamura tell such blatant lies to her father when she stood right there? All she needed was an excuse, and she’d end him then and there.
Then Father turned and looked at her. And all that anger evaporated into a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Did Father believe him?
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
3 December 2022
They entered the room and kneeled before the shogun. “You requested to see me, Father?”
The shogun sat upon his wooden throne, painted cherry red with gold inlays. “Indeed, Lieutenant Suzune. I wish to hear in greater detail the events surrounding the village of Chizu.”
“Yes, Father.” She stood and opened her mouth to speak but her father held up a hand. “First, there is one other report on the matter we would hear. Speak, Nakamura.”
For whatever reason, I was in a major funk all day last Saturday. I still managed to accomplish some things… but I only got about 25 minutes of writing in before I was just… done. I kind of regret it, to be honest, but I think days like that happen sometimes.
On the other hand, I did finish up a fair amount of research on gaslighting (based mostly on this video from Cinema Therapy on Mother Gothel in Tangled), and figured out how that applies to the shogun and some of his interactions with Suzune. Even if I haven’t gotten to them yet.
Suzune marched to the shogun’s throne room. Ito walked just behind her, to her right. She didn’t know what to make of him, anymore; after the battle with the oni girl–Hanako–he’d stopped his angry rants, and even walked beside her as an adjutant, despite the fact he outranked her.
They entered the room and kneeled before the shogun. “You requested to see me, Father?”
The shogun sat upon his wooden throne, painted cherry red with gold inlays. “Indeed, Lieutenant Suzune. I wish to hear in greater detail the events surrounding the village of Chizu.”
“Yes, Father.” She stood and opened her mouth to speak but her father held up a hand. “First, there is one other report on the matter we would hear. Speak, Nakamura.”
From out of the crowd, Lieutenant Nakamura stepped forward and sneered at Suzune. It was all she could do to keep her face impassive; if Nakamura was here, then he’d fled like a coward. Most of those who’d survived Hanako’s onslaught had already reunited with Suzune’s forces; the fact Nakamura hadn’t spoke volumes.
Nakamura bowed to the shogun.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)