DREAMS of a CLOUD
Peruse the many random ramblings of a writer-in-training as I build stories and develop my craft.
6 April 2023
I realized I was trying to too much at once with this visit to New Chizu (I don’t know what they’re going to call it yet, but it’s all the Chizu refugees). Especially when the focus of this arc is on the attack form the yokai army in the area (still not sure if they attack the new town or the Chizu refugees). So, I tweaked the stuff I wrote in this post to make it a little more directed. I probably need to add back in a reference to the kitsune’s shrine, though, or remove Mikuzume and place her in the new village instead.
I realized I was trying to too much at once with this visit to New Chizu (I don’t know what they’re going to call it yet, but it’s all the Chizu refugees). Especially when the focus of this arc is on the attack form the yokai army in the area (still not sure if they attack the new town or the Chizu refugees). So, I tweaked the stuff I wrote in this post to make it a little more directed. I probably need to add back in a reference to the kitsune’s shrine, though, or remove Mikuzume and place her in the new village instead.
“...five miles from here. They mentioned searching for survivors from Chizu; you may want to tighten security.”
Keiko scowled and nodded. “Damn it. If it’s not wolves, it’s bears. Still, thanks for the warning.”
Hanako bit her lower lip…
…recognized what was happening sooner. “Do you think it’d be okay if I stopped by and said hello to her before I left?”
Keiko’s eyes widened. “Leaving so soon?”
“The oni mentioned a bigger force moving on Nanmoku; I’d like to track them down as soon as I can.”
For a long moment, Keiko studied Hanako. “Alright, but don’t push yourself, alright? You can’t save everyone all by yourself.”
Hanako hesitated. Was she talking about Chiaki, or Nanmoku? Either way, the logical part of Hanako knew Keiko was right. But what could a group of peasants hope to do against a horde of yokai?
In the end, she nodded, and Keiko slapped her on the back. “And don’t stay away too long, either. The construction crews are already talking about how much they miss you.”
Eh? Really? Hanak had been worried they’d think she was putting them out of work or something. She bid Keiko farewell, and headed over towards Chiaki’s tent, near the medical center.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
2 February 2023
Keiko rubbed her chin, and after a moment a twinkle formed in her eyes. “Still, I have some work for you once you’ve checked in with everyone, if you’re willing.” She nodded her head toward the half-finished homes. “The faster those get finished, the better prepared we’ll be for winter and whatever else is coming.”
“Ah, yeah.” Hanako scratched the back of her head. “Those guys… I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”
“If they don’t like it, tough. Tell them to take it up with me.”
It felt really good to write about Hanako again. She’s become one of my favorite characters I’ve written. Still not 100% certain how I want to set up the next arc; may need to add to/tweak some of what happens here. But I’m looking forward to it.
I hadn’t intended for Chizu Village and its residents to become major, recurring characters. I was planning for Hanako’s journey to be episodic, save a town and move on, rarely if ever referencing them again. Then I wound up (sort of) accidentally burning Chizu to the ground, and I realized Hanako wouldn’t just abandon them, so… here we are. Now I have to decide if she saves a different village from the local part of the yokai army, or if she saves these guys again. (Spoilers: she succeeds this time.) But I’m leaning toward her (slowly) integrating with and finding a home with the former Chizu residents. Maybe this new village could even become her capital. :)
Hanako ignored the wary looks from the guards, even the outright hostility in one case, and went to find Keiko. Keiko had been designated the unofficial mayor of the refugees, especially now they’d found a place to settle down and rebuild.
The clank of hammers and the shouts of workers filled the air, and the skeletons of what would soon become homes lined the streets. Hanako navigated her way to the central hub, where Keiko was discussing plans for the city with several other people, referencing a large map of the area.
It wasn’t long before Keiko noticed Hanako’s presence and excused herself to speak with the oni. “Good to see you’re still in one piece. Any news?”
“There was an oni scouting party about five miles from here. I don’t think they know about this place, thought.” Hanako bit her lower lip and asked, “I sent a father and daughter over here. Did they…?”
Keiko smiled. “They’re here. Over by the mess tent, if you wanted to say hello. Looks like you found yourself a new fan.”
Hanako sighed with relief. “And Chiaki?”
The smile disappeared from Keiko’s face. “No change, I’m afraid.”
Hanako nodded, feeling a little crestfallen herself. If only she’d recognized what was happening sooner…
Keiko rubbed her chin, and after a moment a twinkle formed in her eyes. “Still, I have some work for you once you’ve checked in with everyone, if you’re willing.” She nodded her head toward the half-finished homes. “The faster those get finished, the better prepared we’ll be for winter and whatever else is coming.”
“Ah, yeah.” Hanako scratched the back of her head. “Those guys… I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”
“If they don’t like it, tough. Tell them to take it up with me. I can’t delay getting my people housed because they’re butthurt over a girl half their size lifting ten times what they can.”
Hanako doubted that was the issue. Or at the very least, not the only issue. But Keiko had a point; they did need those houses. Maybe she’d drop by once she checked on the merchant and his daughter.
She found them exactly where Keiko had said. The father was helping the cooks prepare food for everyone, and the girl was running around, playing with the other kids. Hanako was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she seemed to have bounced back.
Hanako headed over to the father. “Glad to see you both made it safely. Is everything going alright?”
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
31 October 2022
“They’ll kill you. You know that, right?” Keiko asked.
Benjiro strapped his old sword to his side and ignored the ache in his joints. “There are worse things than death. That girl reminded me of that.”
When I started, I had a couple choices. I could work on another story, write the aftermath of the final battle in Hanako’s story, or I could tweak the final battle to make it fit my vision better. I did the last of those.
I actually like the way it ends as is, at least for a stand alone short story. If I build on this, more of a transition might be a good idea… or maybe not. I don’t know. But the end carries a certain weight to it, and anything I can think of to wrap things up would take away from that. I also liked the tweaks and things I did; fleshed the scenes out more. The bit with Keiko and Benjiro was fun, too.
“They’ll kill you. You know that, right?” Keiko, the woman who had defended the oni sword girl, asked.
Benjiro strapped his old sword to his side and ignored the ache in his joints. “There are worse things than death. That girl reminded me of that.” He gave Keiko a gentle smile and made his way outside.
Screams and shouts headed their way from the north, and they could see villagers rush to get away from the encroaching army. Keiko glanced that way before she tightened the grip on her pan. “Then I’m coming, too.”
Benjiro shook his head. “The villagers need a leader, one they can trust. They’re panicked; even if those few of us who can fight could hold them back, it’ll mean nothing if we can’t organize the evacuation.”
Keiko’s expression turned bitter, but she didn’t argue. From her, that was as good as a promise. The old man nodded to her once, and headed toward the shogun’s soldiers.
Chiaki’s mom
“What… what happened?”
“She was directing evacuees out of the village when a few of the shogun’s men found us. Chiaki was…”
Entering the village
Once she arrived, half the village was aflame. She pulled a handkerchief over her nose and mouth to avoid the worst of the smoke, but even then, it was difficult to breathe at times.
As she raced into the village, she began seeing bodies here and there. Among them was the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him; he sat in the street, clutching his stomach. His sister shook his shoulder as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Hanako almost stopped, but if she didn’t take care of the army, nothing she did here would matter. So she ignored the ache in her chest and rushed toward the sound of fighting ahead. Not long after that, she ran into a pocket of villagers about to be overwhelmed by a group of the shogun’s soldiers. Hanako rushed in behind them and cut the soldiers down before they knew what was happening; she didn’t have the leeway to be merciful right now.
The villagers turned to thank her, but she yelled, “Just get away from here!” They nodded and fled, taking the wounded with them as best they could. As she moved forward, she came across several small cells of the shogun’s army; she dealt with them the same way.
When she arrived at the town square, she found their commander…
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
29 October 2022
Once she arrived, over half of it was already aflame. Soon she arrived at a makeshift tent that had been set up, which seemed to serve as a hospital of sorts. Among the handful inside, the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him lay on a cot, clutching his stomach. His sister sat next to him, clutching his arm as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Round two on the final battle. I like this one a lot more; there’s still a few tweaks I made to it after this on the 31st, but overall, this is the core of what I used.
I’m still iffy on the general offering Hanako a place with the shogun’s army. Just feels off. But he needed to say something. I’ll likely change that at a later date, especially if I wind up doing anything more formal with this story.
Hanako didn’t know how much of what she felt was rage and how much was panic. As she jumped back toward the village, all she could think about was the village elder’s face as he’d screamed, “She’s doomed us all!”
It wasn’t long before she ran into a group of people running into the forest. She recognized the woman who’d defended her against the village elder, who seemed to be the one keeping everyone together. Hanako stopped and asked, “What’s going on?”
The woman replied, “The army attacked. A massive group of them, from the north. Benjiro gathered what people he could to slow down and let us escape, but…” She shook her head. “They’re mostly just old men and boys.”
Hanako’s chest tightened. “I’m on my way. Be careful; there was another force further that way. I took care of most of them, but there could be stragglers.”
The woman nodded. “Thank you.”
Hanako turned to leave, but she caught sight of Chiaki, with vacant eyes and tears flowing down her cheeks. “Chiaki?”
She reached out to her, but the woman from before pulled her back. “Leave her be.”
“What… what happened?”
“Her mother was one of the first to fight back; Chiaki was still there when they killed her. We managed to pull her away before anything worse happened, but…”
Ice ran through Hanako’s veins as memories of the gentle innkeeper passed through her mind. She hadn’t known the woman long, but it was enough to have earned Hanko’s respect. The beast inside Hanako’s chest strained against her control, almost breaking free, and tears pooled in her eyes, though they didn’t fall yet. “Be safe.”
“You too.” The woman waved her off, and Hanako dashed for the village.
Once she arrived, over half of it was already aflame. Soon she arrived at a makeshift tent that had been set up, which seemed to serve as a hospital of sorts. Among the handful inside, the boy who’d lifted a sword too big for him lay on a cot, clutching his stomach. His sister sat next to him, clutching his arm as she pleaded, “Satoru! Satoru!”
Hanako almost stopped, but if she didn’t take care of the army, nothing she did here would matter. So she ignored the ache in her chest and rushed toward the sound of fighting ahead. On the way, she thought she caught sight of the village elder, eyes open, sword in hand, laying in the street.
When she finally arrived at the battlefront, she saw their commander, an old, white-haired general, with the captain she’d fought in town earlier beside him. A few dozen soldiers were scattered around, fighting the last of the villagers who tried to resist.
“That’s her, sir,” the captain said. “The oni swordswoman.”
The general studied Hanako. “So Suzune failed to pin her down.”
The last threads on Hanako’s control began to fray, and she pulled out her sword. The general looked unconcerned. “You, swordswoman. You don’t carry yourself like other oni. Would you consider joining the shogun’s forces?”
Hanako was incredulous. “For what? More of this? Burned villages and murdered townsfolk?”
A few soldiers flinched at that, but the general remained impassive. “We only do the will of the shogun.”
That was the last push. The restraints on Hanako’s wrath snapped, and she roared into the army in a storm of steel and blood. Everything blurred together as tears streamed down her face. She vaguely remembered cutting down the general and the captain; there was also a group of soldiers who moved to surround her only to lose their heads. Another group tried nets; before they could throw them, though, she stomped the ground, and the weakened village buildings collapsed on top of them.
Even after the troops broke ranks and began to flee, Hanako’s wrath drove her on, and she screamed as she cut them down. By the time she came to her senses, she stood alone on a field of corpses.
Hanako sank to her knees, and gazed at the devastated village as it burned. She looked down at her blood soaked hands, and then screamed to the sky.
By the time Suzune had come to and gathered what was left of her forces, everything was over. They’d hobbled to the village, in hopes to rendezvous with the rest of the army. But when they arrived, they could only look in horror. Captain Ito watched the flames flicker against the dying light of evening; he’d been assigned as an archer to Suzune’s force, and was one of the few lucky enough to escape uninjured.
Suzune’s attention, however, wasn’t on the village, but on a lone figure kneeling in the blood and muck a little ways away. One of her other men also noticed and moved to draw his bow, but Suzune pushed it back down.
The men all looked to her. “Unless you managed to kill her with a single shot,” she explained, “which I doubt, you’d engage us in a fight we’re in no condition to win. Besides…” she looked around the devastation around them. “I think there’s been enough death here today.”
She signaled the retreat, but while the rest of her force turned to head back, she continued staring at Hanako. “Say, Captain Ito.” She spoke softly, and Ito paused. “When we die, do you think anyone will weep for us like that?”
Ito turned and looked at the red haired oni girl. “After what I’ve seen here,” he whispered, “I honestly don’t know.”
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)
8 October 2022
When he charged her, Hanako let her fury out. Her hair turned white; her skin, crimson, her eyes, black. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. She caught his blade in her bare hand and crushed it at the hilt.
The captain looked into her black eyes, and for once Hanako truly glared at him. His face turned sheet white. “You monster!”
“Maybe.” Hanako sighed and breathed in, letting her anger fade and her color return to normal. “But if I’m the monster, why are you the one they’re afraid of?”
Writing this felt good. It felt like I’d wrapped up the major story beat, ended the scene that started with the innkeeper, or even earlier with my first draft of it.
The choreography was fun to figure out. I used graph paper and drew up a map of the square, including the three carriages, to help plan out how the fight went. I actually hadn’t considered the way Hanako used the chaos the horses caused to her advantage until I drew that out. It helped me recognize what was available in her environment. I modified D&D rules for action economy and movement speed to give myself an idea of what happens, which I think works well enough for something like this. I don’t worry about attack or damage, though; whether an attack hits or misses and what kind of damage results from that is based on the needs of the plot, so I skip over that.
One of the things I’ve come to learn recently is that one principle to writing good action sequences comes down to knowing what options are available to each “actor” in a scene at any given time, and based on that figuring out what they would do given the situation. I say “actor” because some things might change or affect the battle despite being intangible (earthquakes, falling debris, dynamic environmental hazards, etc.).
As Hanako approached the square, she counted maybe half a dozen of the shogun’s soldiers loading their spoils onto wagons. Across the square, their captain spoke with the village elder; the elder’s face was sour, but from the smug look on the captain’s face, there wasn’t anything he could do.
As she got closer, she noticed several women bunched together in the back of the third wagon. Her rage flared, demanding to let loose, and if it hadn’t been for her master’s training, she would have descended on the soldiers in a storm of steel.
Instead, she dashed forward, knocking out the first guard with her sheathed katana before anyone could react. She unsheathed it just long enough to cut the horses free of the nearest wagon. On top of that, she released a pulse of anger strong enough to spook all the horses, even at the other wagons.
Once the captain saw her, his eyes narrowed. He turned on the village elder and drew his sword. “So you’re working with them.”
The elder desperately shook his head. “No! We would never!”
Once she saw this, Hanako growled and rushed for the captain. As she rushed past, one soldier made a swing at her, but she deflected with her sheathe and dove in front of the old man.
The captain swung his sword, and a loud pa-ching echoed through the square. A moment later, the captain’s sword clattered to the ground a few feet away.
Hanako smiled fearlessly up at the captain. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve got nothing to do with these folks; I was just passing through.”
Two of the other soldiers charged at her while the rest fought to get the horses under control. She tilted her head to avoid the first one’s thrust, while the second tried to sweep at her from below. She stomped on the sword and shattered it, but they’d given the captain time to retreat and pick up his own weapon.
The captain shouted, “Leave the horses! Focus on the oni girl!”
The other three tried to follow his command. However, one had gotten too close to the back of the rear wagon, and one of the woman grabbed a pan from among the stolen loot and swung it at his head. It bashed into his helmet and sent him reeling, while the clang spooked the horses even worse. The horses at their wagon tore free, bowling two other soldiers over, and followed the horses Hanako had cut loose out of the square.
In the meantime, Hanako had resheathed her sword and easily disarmed her other opponent. She knocked him out, along with the soldier whose sword she’d smashed earlier, which left her alone with the captain for the moment.
The captain looked at her sheathed katana and fumed. “Why do you not draw your weapon?”
Hanako shrugged. “I don’t think I need it.” She was trying not to kill people, after all. At least for now.
Given the way the captain’s glare intensified, though, he probably didn’t take it that way. That was fine. If Hanako was honest with herself, she was still pretty furious, too.
When he charged her, Hanako let some of that fury out, as she thought about the women who would be kidnapped and the things she’d seen in other towns. Her hair turned white; her skin, crimson, her eyes, black. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
If she had wanted to, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for Hanako to kill this guy. Smash his face hin, draw her sword and cut him to ribbons, grab him and launch him a hundred feet into the air. She almost did it, too. But she stopped herself in time, and instead she just caught his blade in her bare hand and crushed it at the hilt.
The captain looked into her black eyes, and for once Hanako truly glared at him. His face turned sheet white. “You monster!”
“Maybe.” Hanako sighed and breathed in, letting her anger fade and her color return to normal. “But if I’m the monster, why are you the one they’re afraid of?”
The captain looked around, noticing the eyes of the villages peeking out from doorways or windows. His eyes finally rested on the women who were to be taken away, all of whom glared at him, not the oni beside him.
He turned toward Hanako. She looked at something, off in the distance, with a sad smile. Softly, she told him, “If you’re serious about trying to protect people from monsters, captain, maybe start with the ones in your own army?”
Without anything he could say, he signaled his men and they left, taking their wounded with them and leaving the wagons.
Hanako only got a few minutes rest, seated on the ground against the wall, when the village elder marched up to her. “Do you know what you have done!?”
She hadn’t been expecting that. Her rage flared, but Hanako was able to keep a lid on it. Still, she was worried how this was going to go.
When she didn’t say anything, the elder sucked in breath to continue; however, one of the women from the wagon stepped between them. “She saved us if nothing else, Benjiro. Which is more than I can say for you.”
“And in the process, she’s doomed us all! Do you think the shogun and his men will just let this stand? On top of that, now they think we’ve allied with the youkai!”
“So, what? Just give everything up, sacrifice us, just to keep the peace?”
“If that’s what it takes to save the village!”
The women was prepared to keep arguing, but Hanako reached up and grabbed her hand. For a long moment, no one spoke. Then Hanako softly asked, “Say, oji-san. Have you visited Wakayama recently?”
Confusion painted over the old man’s features. “No, not recently. Why?”
“What about Gifu? Makuhari?”
The elder shook his head.
“I have. They did just what you said; gave the army whatever they wanted, and did their best to keep their heads down.” She finally looked up at him. “In Gifu they’re boiling leather for food. Anything the army hadn’t taken, they’d trampled on the way out. Wakayama didn’t even have that much; there were children starving to death in the streets when I passed by.” She turned and gave the elder a weary smile. “Say, oji-san. When you said you want to save the village, is that what you had in mind?”
The old man was silent.
Hanako heaved herself off the ground and forced a bright smile on her face. “It’ll be alright, though! I’ll do everything I can to keep you all safe.” She scratched her cheek and added, “I mean, you have a point. I did attack them, and rope you guys into this mess. So, I’ll help out with that.”
And with that, she headed back deeper into town, leaving the elder and everyone else to mull over what she’d said.
Current Draft of Hanako’s story (including unposted content)